IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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People
Use synonyms
 have different views as to whether travelling overseas is the most effective way of finding a sense of pleasure.
While
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 there are some drawbacks of travelling, I believe that it would be better to deal with the concerns of life and establish personal relationships with other cultures.
To begin
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 with, travelling has some demerits associated with financial barriers and environmental aspects. The inconvenience of
travel
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 is that it is not equal for all individuals,
for instance
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, many
people
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 are not able to afford to visit abroad because of financial challenges.
For example
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, disadvanced
countries
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 can not make opportunities for their population to
travel
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 to another continent.
Moreover
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, one of the fundamental problems is environmental pollution
that is
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 caused by tourists. The number of natural disasters can negatively influence visited
countries
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' cultural backgrounds and the conservation of the environment.
As a result
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 of
this
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, many historical destinations can be taken a hit by visitors. On the other side of the coin is that in today's fast-paced and convenience-driven world,
travel
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 is the most widespread activity among all cultures irrespective of age.
Firstly
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, it helps to escape from the concerns of life
such
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 as the troubles of work.Oftentimes, many
people
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 have the intention to
travel
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 to foreign
countries
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 not only to reduce stress and relax on holidays
due to
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 the scenery of nature.
Secondly
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, if
people
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travel
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 to other
countries
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 where
people
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 are strange, they will make friends and enhance unity.
Besides
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 that
people
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 will have information in terms of these places' history and traditions.
Subsequently
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, there will be appeared a sense of happiness and pleasure after travelling.
To sum up
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,
although
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 some
people
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 think there are some negative impacts on
countries
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' finances and the environment, In my opinion, increasing the rate of
travel
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 can create the advantages of cooperation with foreign
countries
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.
Furthermore
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, a sense of happiness can be made by travelling.

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task achievement
Consider including more specific examples to support your points. Although the essay provides some general examples, adding specific instances would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on enhancing the clarity and comprehensiveness of some ideas. Some points could be expanded with more detail or clarity to fully convey your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is thoroughly supported with evidence and examples. This will help in building a stronger argument and improving task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully framing the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow of ideas throughout most of the essay, making it easy for the reader to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural exchanges
  • Global connections
  • Tourism boosts
  • Local economy
  • Over-tourism
  • Environmental degradation
  • Landmarks
  • Commodification of culture
  • Authentic cultural expressions
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Tourism infrastructure
  • Public services
  • Disrespect local customs
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