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Band 5

Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future lives. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #experiences #children #school #effect #future #lives #teenagers #influence
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Which of the two has more influence on
children
's careers - the
experiences
 before going to school or in their teenage?
Although
 social
skills
 are instilled in the child before joining a school, In my perspective, the experience during teenage is more crucial as it creates a new identity for a person. Instilling some social
skills
 in pre-schoolers gives some essential learning. Since
children
 play with their peer group, it imbibes some
skills
 in them automatically
such
 as sharing their toys, communicating and developing friendships. These
skills
 are proven to be effective in the upcoming lives of
children
.
However
, teenage
experiences
 allow
children
 to form a fresh identity.
This
 is because teenagers develop a sense of
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 which prepares them to shape their characters completely as they learn other
skills
such
 as decision-making, problem-solving and time management. If teenagers acquire all these important
skills
 during
this
 period, they will proceed with success in future.
For example
, a survey conducted by the Institute of Paediatrics, Texas
last
 year depicted that people have bright futures
due to
 their unique teenage
experiences
. The more teenage
experiences
 a person has, the more successful future one has. In conclusion, despite having some impact of pre-school learning on
children
's careers in the form of developing social
skills
, I believe teenage
experiences
 are more significant in
the
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 of forming a novel identity.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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task achievement
You've done a good job of addressing both views in your essay. However, to strengthen your task response, make sure to add a few more supporting details for each perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clearly communicated, but adding some more transitional phrases will improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present your argument and summarize your points effectively.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples, which help to illustrate your points. The example you provided from the Institute of Paediatrics is particularly effective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive Development
  • Emotional Foundation
  • Social Skills
  • Identity Formation
  • Critical Thinking
  • Peer Influence
  • Resilience
  • Leadership Qualities
  • Balanced Approach
  • Foundational Skills
  • Complex Social Dynamics
  • Empathy
  • Teamwork Skills
  • Decision-Making Skills
  • Risk and Reward Balance
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