Today more and more people want things (e.g.: goods, service, news). Why is this? It it positive or negative development?
In the present day, a great number of humans want their requirements to be supplied immediately.
This
situation may come from their way of life and edginess and also
brings more negative impact on their lives.
The instantaneous requirement comes from many aspects of life. Firstly
, the hustle and bustle lifestyle directly on that habit. The hectic lifestyle leads to more things that need to be solved by workers so they want to gain more things as soon as possible. Secondly
, impatience may be one of the reasons generate that situation. In the modern age, more young generations lack patience when waiting for their prerequisites so they just want to everybody condescend to them. Therefore
, society will become more and more disordered and inequality.
Another point worth considering is that instant demand will lead to a negative effect on their lives. Initially
, the fake things will be boosted as quickly as possible. If everyone also
desired that their request would be provided promptly, the allocation would fall short so more counterfeits would manufacture fake goods or even establish fake news to earn more profit. Besides
, the violent actions will be regarded mentioning the hazardous effect. If people need to line up, they will show uncourteous or even have more toxic actions that can damage the health of the opposite one. Take a young boy in Bac Giang as a prime example who used to kill the opposite person when preventing him from running the traffic light. Therefore
, humans need to be aware of the disadvantages of impatience.
Taking everything into consideration, the immediate demand may start from the mode of life and haste of inhabitants in the modern age so this
issue may have a perilous impact on the actions and fake goods. Therefore
, people need to pay more attention to a slow-paced lifestyle and safety for others.Submitted by [email protected] on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well, discussing the reasons behind the increased demand for instant gratification and presenting the negative effects associated with it. However, some points could be more thoroughly developed to provide a deeper analysis.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it with clear, detailed examples. Some of the ideas seem rushed or lack sufficient explanation, such as the connection between impatience and societal disorder.
coherence cohesion
Work on your sentence structure and clarity. Some sentences are a bit awkward or unclear, making it difficult to follow your argument at times. Simple, clear sentences will help convey your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to link your ideas together more smoothly. This will improve the overall flow of your essay and make your argument easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with word choice and phrase usage. There are some minor inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that can be revised for clarity and precision.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples that clearly illustrate your points. For instance, the example of the young boy in Bac Giang is a bit extreme and may not be the most appropriate illustration of impatience leading to violence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction that sets up the topic well and a conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
logical structure
The essay demonstrates a good attempt to address the reasons behind the topic and presents both the cause and effects in a logical manner.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!