In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Write at least 250 words
There is no doubt that
the
Correct article usage
apply
obesity
has been
increased dramatically and become Unnecessary verb
apply
as
a major problem. It is considered by some thoughts, Change preposition
apply
junk-
Correct pronoun usage
that junk-food
food
advertisements contribute to grow
the Verb problem
apply
obesity
phenomenon, while
others argue that fast food
advertising should not be banned. This
essay will delve both
views and Change preposition
into both
subsequently
will explore my own viewpoint.
Because of distribution
of junk Correct article usage
the distribution
food
advertisements in every corners
Change to a singular noun
corner
at
Change preposition
of
the
urban cities Correct article usage
apply
such
as train station
, Fix the agreement mistake
stations
highway
, and main Fix the agreement mistake
highways
road
. The junk Fix the agreement mistake
roads
food
advertisings
show Replace the word
advertisements
the
affordable prices with Correct article usage
apply
beauty
of meals which Add an article
the beauty
easily
for everyone to payRephrase
are easy
.
Later on, Change preposition
for.
obviously
people would Add a comma
obviously,
be kept
the same image in their minds and will buy Wrong verb form
keep
the
fast Correct article usage
apply
food
during their hunger.
Based on the latest survey has been conducted by MOH, shows the increasing rate of obesity
. There are several factors for this
problem. One of the main causes can be seen is lack
of workouts because of the Correct article usage
a lack
advanced
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
of
technology and they are busy in their life. From that, people tend to Change preposition
in
loss
their fitness.The second factor is less awareness Replace the word
lose
in
Change preposition
of
the
health education which Correct article usage
apply
is
often Unnecessary verb
apply
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
growing
the amount of Correct article usage
a growing
the
diseases.
There are some actions Correct article usage
apply
could
be taken by governments to reduce the impact of Correct pronoun usage
that could
Add a missing verb
being over-weight
over-weight
. The government could encourage restaurants to provide light calories of meals to enhance the Correct your spelling
overweight
individuals
lifestyle. Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'
Also
, they could instruct the junk-food
business to post the high calories
advertisements.
In conclusion, it is evident the Correct your spelling
high-calorie
obesity
phenomenon has been appeared
during the global market development and the advanced technology. Change to the active voice
appeared
Government
must ensure all steps are taken to ensure and expand Correct article usage
The government
the
health awareness Correct article usage
apply
between
every Change preposition
among
members
.Change to a singular noun
member
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task achievement
Work on providing more relevant and specific examples to support your viewpoints. This can make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop and organize each of your main points. This includes providing clear and comprehensive ideas that are well-explained and elaborated.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have made an effort to discuss both views and present your own opinion, which is a requirement of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your argument and provides a clear beginning and end.
coherence cohesion
You've made an effort to support your main points, which adds credibility to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.