IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

people likes to travel or work in the time between highschool and university studies. what are advantages and disadvantages.

#people #travel #work #time #highschool #university #studies
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people
 like to
travel
 or
work
 in the
time
 between high
school
 and
university
 studies, a lot of
people
 like to
travel
 or
work
 before
university
 studies, so in
this
 essay, we will know the advantages and the disadvantages of
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 or travelling after high
school
. There are many advantages to getting a
job
 or getting out of your country on vacation, one of them,
if
Add a missing verb
is if
show examples
people
 go on tourism it will help them to take a break from their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
,
therefore
 they will get more energy to complete study at
university
,
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
travel
 makes
people
 saw different cultures, meet many different
people
 and that's a good thing for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
humans, and if
people
 get a
job
 after a high
school
 they will have more experience,
besides
,
work
 can make
people
 save money
while
 they are young. But on the other sides, there are disadvantages to working or travelling after high
school
,
people
 may become lazy if they stop studying for a
while
, in that case, many
people
 will think they are not interested in going to
university
,
second,
even if they go to
university
 they will lose
time
, and maybe they will lose
also
 some information related to study especially if they spend a long
time
 out of their country or if they
work
 for a long
time
.
finally
, it's good to
travel
 or get a
job
 after high
school
, but in my opinion,
people
 shouldn't do that for a long
time
,
for example
, two weeks of
travel
 will be good or get a
job
 in summer only.
Submitted by fadhool200430 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the main aspects of the question by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking time off between high school and university studies. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and further development of ideas. Try to provide concrete examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, main body, and conclusion, the logical flow could be improved. Make sure to use connective phrases and ensure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next. Additionally, break down long sentences to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, instead of "people saw different cultures," use "people can experience different cultures." Careful proofreading before submission can help eliminate such errors.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the focus of the essay, and your conclusion provides a concise summary of your thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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