IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is sometimes argued that young
people
Use synonyms
 are supposed to suffer
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 punishments as adults when break the law seriously. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 should take
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 for their
behaviours
Use synonyms
, they are not ought to be punished
severly
Correct your spelling
severely
. There are several reasons why it is necessary for
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to pay for their actions. First of all, it can make
people
Use synonyms
's communities more safety.
This
Linking Words
 is because individuals, especially young
people
Use synonyms
, are inclined to commit crimes without any punishment.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 are highly to
rob
Verb problem
buy
show examples
 goods from supermarkets
instead
Linking Words
 of buying
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. If there are
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 regulations to constrain those bad
behaviours
Use synonyms
, there will be more thieves in the
commuinity
Correct your spelling
community
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
more dangerous surroundings. Apart from that, it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to establish the correct outlook on
life
Use synonyms
. The reason for
that is
Linking Words
 after taking
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsibilities
 for their actions, they can know that they did something wrong and have bad
influneces
Correct your spelling
influences
influence
 on
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
. So that, in the future, they can distinguish what
behaviours
Use synonyms
 are harmful to
people
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and not encouraged.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they may develop a better person.
By contrast
Linking Words
, I still hold the view that they do not have to be treated in
such
Linking Words
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
 way. First and foremost, it is unequal to punish
children
Use synonyms
 as adults. Sometimes
children
Use synonyms
 may break the laws without realizing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
 they are too young to know all of the regulations.
This
Linking Words
 means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they are highly likely to commit crimes unintentionally. Based on that,
people
Use synonyms
 should not punish them as adults who
are clearly know
Change the verb form
clearly know
show examples
 the
compensations
Fix the agreement mistake
compensation
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some punishments which
includes
Change the verb form
include
show examples
 body injuries are too heavy for young
people
Use synonyms
 to suffer, by experiencing them
children
Use synonyms
 are easy to have mental problems .
For example
Linking Words
, some serious punishments need to
tourte
Correct your spelling
torture
people
Use synonyms
, under that situation, young
people
Use synonyms
 may
incur
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 them to have mental
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
, which may destroy their
whloe
Correct your spelling
whole
life
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an early age.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 should compensate for their
behaviours
Use synonyms
 to keep society
more safe
Replace the words
safer
show examples
 and have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right
life
Use synonyms
 direction, I think they are not supposed to be punished as older
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their
inconscious
Correct your spelling
unconscious
 and mental health.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure that you consistently use the correct form of words, paying attention to singular and plural forms ('children' instead of 'childs').
coherence
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs using linking words and phrases ('In addition,' 'Therefore,' 'As a result').
task response
Make sure to clarify your points with specific, relevant examples. Your argument about children's mental health could be supported by specific evidence or studies.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.
task response
You address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
task response
Your points about the differences between children and adults in terms of understanding and mental health are strong and relevant to the argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: