Young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

It is sometimes argued that young
people
are supposed to suffer
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
punishments as adults when break the law seriously. In my opinion,
while
children
should take
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
for their
behaviours
, they are not ought to be punished
severly
Correct your spelling
severely
. There are several reasons why it is necessary for
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
to pay for their actions. First of all, it can make
people
's communities more safety.
This
is because individuals, especially young
people
, are inclined to commit crimes without any punishment.
For example
,
children
are highly to
rob
Verb problem
buy
show examples
goods from supermarkets
instead
of buying
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. If there are
not
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no
show examples
regulations to constrain those bad
behaviours
, there will be more thieves in the
commuinity
Correct your spelling
community
.
As a result
,
people
have to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
more dangerous surroundings. Apart from that, it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
children
to establish the correct outlook on
life
. The reason for
that is
after taking
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsibilities
for their actions, they can know that they did something wrong and have bad
influneces
Correct your spelling
influences
influence
on
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
. So that, in the future, they can distinguish what
behaviours
are harmful to
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
and not encouraged.
Therefore
, they may develop a better person.
By contrast
, I still hold the view that they do not have to be treated in
such
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
way. First and foremost, it is unequal to punish
children
as adults. Sometimes
children
may break the laws without realizing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
they are too young to know all of the regulations.
This
means that
,
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apply
show examples
they are highly likely to commit crimes unintentionally. Based on that,
people
should not punish them as adults who
are clearly know
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clearly know
show examples
the
compensations
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compensation
show examples
.
Furthermore
, some punishments which
includes
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include
show examples
body injuries are too heavy for young
people
to suffer, by experiencing them
children
are easy to have mental problems .
For example
, some serious punishments need to
tourte
Correct your spelling
torture
people
, under that situation, young
people
may
incur
Verb problem
cause
show examples
them to have mental
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
, which may destroy their
whloe
Correct your spelling
whole
life
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
an early age.
To sum up
,
although
children
should compensate for their
behaviours
to keep society
more safe
Replace the words
safer
show examples
and have
a
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the
show examples
right
life
direction, I think they are not supposed to be punished as older
people
due to
their
inconscious
Correct your spelling
unconscious
and mental health.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

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grammar
Ensure that you consistently use the correct form of words, paying attention to singular and plural forms ('children' instead of 'childs').
coherence
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs using linking words and phrases ('In addition,' 'Therefore,' 'As a result').
task response
Make sure to clarify your points with specific, relevant examples. Your argument about children's mental health could be supported by specific evidence or studies.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.
task response
You address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
task response
Your points about the differences between children and adults in terms of understanding and mental health are strong and relevant to the argument.
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