Some people see sports only as a leisure activity while others believes sports play a more important role .Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is asserted

Change preposition

apply

show examples

some individuals that

games

Use synonyms

are only a way of enjoying their free

time

Use synonyms

whereas

Linking Words

others think that

sports

Use synonyms

play a crucial

role

Use synonyms

Although

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

are

great

Add an article

a great

show examples

way to spend idle

time

Use synonyms

,I believe that these play more imperative roles

such

Linking Words

as physical fitness and job opportunities To commence with,

sports

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are an excellent means of relaxation and amusement,so are thought to be an idle

time

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activity.To elaborate,most

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apply

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people like to play some

games

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with their friends and family in the evening after the long working hours at their jobs ,

therefore

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,playing with loved ones becomes an activity of enjoyment which can give relief from the exhaustion of jobs.

For example

Linking Words

according to

Linking Words

a survey done in India almost 70% of working women like to spend their evenings

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing badminton with their friends which gives them a stress-free feeling.

Hence

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

can rejuvenate

gloomy

Correct article usage

the gloomy

show examples

moods of most

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apply

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people.

On the other hand

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

play a vital

role

Use synonyms

instead

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of just

bieng

Correct your spelling

being

a leisure

time

Use synonyms

activity as getting indulged in

sports

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activities is imperative for physical fitness.To explain it,people who play

games

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daily and do some exercises,always stay healthy and happy because diseases stay away from them.

Moreover

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

inculcate

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

ethics in the players

such

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as socialization,discipline and team spirit.

Further

Linking Words

sports

Use synonyms

provide multifarious job opportunities and professionals in

this

Linking Words

field earn much more money than any other job.

For instance

Linking Words

,the salary of the Indian cricket coach is about two lakh per month which is a huge amount to be earned by a trainer.

Thus

Linking Words

sports

Use synonyms

play a significant

role

Use synonyms

in human life. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

help in spending spare

time

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,it does not mean that it is the only

role

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played by

games

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as these are essential for

Linking Words

overall

Add an article

the overall

show examples

growth of an individual and

also

Linking Words

provide

employments

Fix the agreement mistake

employment

show examples

to players.

japjotsandhu8553Thu May 16 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction. This will help guide the reader on what to expect in the essay.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving transition phrases to make the flow of ideas smoother. For example, use phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph.

task achievement

Clarify and expand on ideas to make them more comprehensive. Some points are implied rather than clearly stated.

task achievement

Work on sentence variety to improve readability and engagement. Overuse of similar sentence structures can make the essay monotonous.

task achievement

You have addressed all parts of the question and provided a balanced discussion on both views.

task achievement

Relevant specific examples like the survey in India and the salary of the Indian cricket coach effectively support your points.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a well-rounded conclusion that summarizes your main ideas effectively.

coherence cohesion

Main points are generally supported with adequate explanations and examples, making your arguments more convincing.

16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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