In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is extra
classes
of
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for
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the
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apply
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students
.People are starting to realise that their children can have
better
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a better
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understanding of the
school
program with that.Personally,
i
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I
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agree with
idea
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the idea
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of abilities to
study
outside
school
.
Firstly
, we need to know that
widespread
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the widespread
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problem
of
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with
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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in most countries is less
time
to teach.
For example
, my
county
Correct your spelling
country
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Kazakhstan.In our county
study
time
is 5 hours.What
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
mean here ,is that teacher can’t give any good explanation of the paragraph when lesson
time
is 40 minutes.It leads to unnecessarily difficult work for
students
and teachers.
Also
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Also,
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it would be better for
students
study
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to study
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within
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in
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their’s
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their
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free
time
when they mostly don’t do anything.
Instead
of watching social media and scrolling they can improve knowledge in subjects where they struggle.A good case in point is that extra lessons are acceptable by most of the
students
and they
glad
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are glad
show examples
to use that opportunity.
Secondly
,it can
also
be argued by
fact
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the fact
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that
mostly
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most
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teachers may not be good at
promotion
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promoting
show examples
information to
students
. The harsh truth is that qualitative education is about
so-called
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a so-called
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“good teaching technique”. We can take
for example
my friend Nurzhan. He
argue
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argues
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that in his
school
good teachers can be numbered by fingers. Because of that he use
possibility
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the possibility
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of extra
classes
and
study
school
program
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programs
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in another place.
As a result
, he got 100/89
from
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on
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his chemistry exam and passed to NIS elite
school
.
That is
to say that via extra
classes
student can get a high score in their exams. In conclusion,taking
in
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apply
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everything mentioned into account,we can say that
after
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after-school
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school
extra
classes
are worth it and can give
students
more potential for improvement in their knowledge.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well, providing a clear position on the idea of extra classes. However, it's essential to directly discuss the advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling as outlined in the prompt.
task achievement
Ensure you elaborate on both sides of the argument before concluding, even if you end up supporting one side more.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by making sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Additionally, splitting some of your more extended sentences into shorter ones might help with clarity.
coherence cohesion
Include strong topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your main points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is clear, with separate paragraphs for each point.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, particularly with the reference to your friend Nurzhan and the situation in Kazakhstan.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarises your opinion effectively.

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