IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #parents #children #home #school #outweigh
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is extra
classes
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of
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for
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the
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apply
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students
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.People are starting to realise that their children can have
better
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a better
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 understanding of the
school
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 program with that.Personally,
i
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I
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 agree with
idea
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the idea
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 of abilities to
study
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 outside
school
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.
Firstly
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, we need to know that
widespread
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the widespread
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 problem
of
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with
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school
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schools
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 in most countries is less
time
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 to teach.
For example
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, my
county
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country
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 Kazakhstan.In our county
study
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time
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 is 5 hours.What
i
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I
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 mean here ,is that teacher can’t give any good explanation of the paragraph when lesson
time
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 is 40 minutes.It leads to unnecessarily difficult work for
students
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 and teachers.
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Also
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Also,
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 it would be better for
students
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study
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to study
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within
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in
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their’s
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their
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 free
time
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 when they mostly don’t do anything.
Instead
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 of watching social media and scrolling they can improve knowledge in subjects where they struggle.A good case in point is that extra lessons are acceptable by most of the
students
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 and they
glad
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are glad
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 to use that opportunity.
Secondly
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,it can
also
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 be argued by
fact
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the fact
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 that
mostly
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most
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 teachers may not be good at
promotion
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promoting
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 information to
students
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. The harsh truth is that qualitative education is about
so-called
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a so-called
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 “good teaching technique”. We can take
for example
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 my friend Nurzhan. He
argue
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argues
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 that in his
school
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 good teachers can be numbered by fingers. Because of that he use
possibility
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the possibility
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 of extra
classes
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 and
study
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school
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program
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programs
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 in another place.
As a result
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, he got 100/89
from
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on
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 his chemistry exam and passed to NIS elite
school
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.
That is
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 to say that via extra
classes
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 student can get a high score in their exams. In conclusion,taking
in
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apply
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everything mentioned into account,we can say that
after
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after-school
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school
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 extra
classes
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 are worth it and can give
students
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 more potential for improvement in their knowledge.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well, providing a clear position on the idea of extra classes. However, it's essential to directly discuss the advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling as outlined in the prompt.
task achievement
Ensure you elaborate on both sides of the argument before concluding, even if you end up supporting one side more.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by making sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Additionally, splitting some of your more extended sentences into shorter ones might help with clarity.
coherence cohesion
Include strong topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your main points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is clear, with separate paragraphs for each point.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, particularly with the reference to your friend Nurzhan and the situation in Kazakhstan.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarises your opinion effectively.
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