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Band 5

It is often said that we should work to live, not live to work. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#work #points
It is thought by some
people
 that they should
work
 to live
while
 others believe that individuals need to live
due to
work
. In
this
 essay,
both
 viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my opinion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that some citizens think that working to live gives them some positive sides.
Firstly
, working is able to provide them with passion. Many
people
 these days tend to set their goals in
both
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
the short-term
show examples
short-term
Correct your spelling
short term
show examples
.
For example
, employees set their short-term goals to earn incomes from working more than 1 million dollars
this
 year. These goals motivate and encourage the employees to
work
 harder in order to achieve them.
Secondly
, workers can use their earnings to indulge themselves and perceive
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 as rewards.
Thus
, they can purchase what they are looking for
such
 as food, travelling, etc.
As a result
, it
also
 gives the individuals a sense of self-esteem.
On the other hand
, it is true that fewer
people
 have the idea about living to
work
. In the first place, they enjoy working or they are workaholics.
For instance
, these certain jobs are their childhood dreams and they want to become successful in their career paths,
therefore
, they will get
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 idea of dedicating their lives to
work
.
Additionally
, there are a lot of
people
 who love challenging lives. They always find and search for new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 which in turn enhance their skills and abilities. To illustrate, an employee who works hard gets a promotion
this
 year and is in a higher position. He/She will utilise the previous skills to challenge and
further
 their career paths all over again. All in all, there are
both
 aspects of working to live and living to
work
. From my point of view, we can adapt
both
 ideas together in
this
 contemporary society.
Moreover
, it depends on the population's decision
which
Change preposition
on which
show examples
 one they want to believe in or what they want to take as their primary points.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
To improve task response and better support your points, ensure that each argument is clearly elaborated with more specific examples or detailed explanations. For instance, provide more concrete instances where working to live has impacted someone's life positively.
coherence cohesion
In discussing both viewpoints, try to balance the paragraphs in terms of length and depth of discussion. This helps in maintaining clear comprehensive ideas throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which help in structuring the essay effectively.
task achievement
You discuss both points of view in a fairly balanced manner, making your position clear at the end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • financial stability
  • personal development
  • career advancement
  • fulfillment
  • leisure
  • self-care
  • burnout
  • stress
  • setting boundaries
  • professional success
  • personal satisfaction
  • harmonious balance
  • purpose and structure
What to do next:
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