With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that some elderly
people
cannot take care of their own health
. It is undeniable that aging
become an essential part of our life. Now Change the spelling
ageing
people
are being
to realize that old Verb problem
beginning
people
they
have difficulty looking after themselves and need help. Personally, I tend to think that adult Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
some time
Correct your spelling
sometimes
needs
a little help from other Correct subject-verb agreement
need
people
.
Firstly
, it is well known that adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
health
each year become
weak and weak. What I mean here is that will get worse some organs and it can Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
leads
to Change the verb form
lead
the
death. One of the main Correct article usage
apply
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
behaind
Correct your spelling
behind
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
that
poor nutrition, Correct word choice
apply
lack
of vitamins for immunity and calcium to strengthen bones. A good case in point is some children they look after them until the end of their lives and do not leave them alone, because their parents Correct word choice
and lack
also
need help. Some adults
understand that they must do some sports from their youngest ages and take for example
Japanese people
their do some activities at
Change preposition
in
morning
and it become a habit, started from children to old Correct article usage
the morning
people
. Their children give their parents to
some courses where develop their abilities and make the brain work.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, it can also
be argued that,
there a lot of diseases that cannot be treated, Remove the comma
apply
that is
to say it
can be lead to Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
mortality. Take Correct article usage
apply
for example
some adults
become
weak Correct pronoun usage
who become
of
the virus Change preposition
from
and
Correct word choice
which
worsen
their immunity.
In. conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that nowadays we have Correct subject-verb agreement
worsens
an
good improvement in Change the article
a
health
care and adults
should take care of their health
.Submitted by dnm.best on
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task achievement
Try to clarify your main points and make sure they directly address the question. For example, explain clearly how society can manage the increase in the number of elderly people.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically. Each paragraph should have a clear main point related to your thesis and should flow smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This can help to make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly stated your position in the introduction and restated it in the conclusion, which provides a sense of completeness.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good grasp of a wide range of vocabulary and expressions.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite