With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that some elderly
people
cannot take care of their own
health
. It is undeniable that
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
become an essential part of our life. Now
people
are
being
Verb problem
beginning
show examples
to realize that old
people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have difficulty looking after themselves and need help. Personally, I tend to think that adult
people
some time
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
a little help from other
people
.
Firstly
, it is well known that
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
show examples
health
each year
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
weak and weak. What I mean here is that will get worse some organs and it can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
behaind
Correct your spelling
behind
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
poor nutrition,
lack
Correct word choice
and lack
show examples
of vitamins for immunity and calcium to strengthen bones. A good case in point is some children they look after them until the end of their lives and do not leave them alone, because their parents
also
need help. Some
adults
understand that they must do some sports from their youngest ages and take
for example
Japanese
people
their do some activities
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
morning
Correct article usage
the morning
show examples
and it become a habit, started from children to old
people
. Their children give their parents
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some courses where develop their abilities and make the brain work.
On the other hand
, it can
also
be argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there a lot of diseases that cannot be treated,
that is
to say
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mortality. Take
for example
some
adults
become
Correct pronoun usage
who become
show examples
weak
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
the virus
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
worsen
Correct subject-verb agreement
worsens
show examples
their immunity. In. conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that nowadays we have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
good improvement in
health
care and
adults
should take care of their
health
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Try to clarify your main points and make sure they directly address the question. For example, explain clearly how society can manage the increase in the number of elderly people.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically. Each paragraph should have a clear main point related to your thesis and should flow smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This can help to make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly stated your position in the introduction and restated it in the conclusion, which provides a sense of completeness.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good grasp of a wide range of vocabulary and expressions.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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