Some people believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking.

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Nearly all humans think
about
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that
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studying academic subjects
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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more important than learning
language
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a language
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. I think both of them have advantages and disadvantages,
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however
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however,
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I choose
learning
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to learn
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science
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subject
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,
although
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even if I appreciate art.
To begin
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with
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with,
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learning
academic
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an academic
the academic
show examples
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
is
good
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a good
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idea, for
university
Correct article usage
the university
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secure
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to secure
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a
placer
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place
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. Because if get into university that
make
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will makes
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beautiful life in the future.
In addition
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, learning all
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
help
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helps
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to
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apply
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your life,
for example
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: if you go
to travel
Verb problem
travelling
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your
Correct pronoun usage
you
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speaking
Wrong verb form
speak
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this
Linking Words
country
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country's
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language and
also
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you teach
own
Correct pronoun usage
your own
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children with your
mind
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own mind
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that’s
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good for your
finance
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finances
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, studying
science
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subjects
have
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has
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bad sides.
For example
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, if people
learning
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learn
show examples
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subject
Correct article usage
a subject
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more
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for more
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time, they are far
to
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from
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reality and
be
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are
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expressionless.
Science
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,
on the other hand
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, is the study of the world around us to discover universal, irrefutable facts and get a better understanding of reality. To be
hones
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honest
show examples
I appreciate art and music. Because
few
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a few
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years ago I
was begin
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began
show examples
learning
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learning to
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play musical instruments
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that’s
Unnecessary verb
that
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include
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including
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of
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apply
show examples
piano and guitar,
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that’s
Unnecessary verb
that
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was
very
Rephrase
really
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amazing, for me. Because I improve my
hear
Correct your spelling
heart
show examples
quality and view of the world. And until
this
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day I
Add a missing verb
am interesting
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interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
play musical instruments. But
then
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I understand people can not earn a lot of money if you do not perfect at your profession.
That’s
Use synonyms
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
I choose
learning
Change the verb form
to learn
show examples
academic
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
. In conclusion, studying
science
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is a good idea, but sometimes people need to be interested in art.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position and consistently support it throughout the essay. Avoid deviating from the main topic or mixing points.
coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay logically with clear paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
task achievement
Provide relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your sentences are logically connected to each other. Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the accuracy and clarity of your language by checking for grammar and vocabulary mistakes.
task achievement
The essay shows a clear attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, which is a good effort.
coherence cohesion
There is a conclusion present that summarizes the main points, which is essential for a cohesive essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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