IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries; others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #countries #group #society
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is private
cars
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 in
city
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 centres It is
undeniably
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undeniable
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 that
cars
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has
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have
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 become an essential of our life.
However
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, there is no absolute agreement as some
people
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 find
ban
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banning
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 private
cars
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 beneficial,
while
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 others consider everything associated with
cars
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 negatively.Surely there are both pros and cons to
ban
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banning
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cars
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 from the
city
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centre
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 but I believe
advantages
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the advantages
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 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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. One of the main positives of
ban
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banning
show examples
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
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 from the
centre
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 of
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city
Add an article
the city
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 is safety,by outlawing
the
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apply
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automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
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in the
city
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centre
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,the amount of crime will ease.
For instance
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,
the
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in the
show examples
city
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Somber
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of Somber
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 which
locate
Wrong verb form
is located
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 in Serbia, the
big
Correct word choice
large
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 amount of crime in the
centre
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 of Somber
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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were reduce
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were reduced
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 by forbidding
the
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apply
show examples
automobiles from the
city
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centre
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. Another advantage is that the middle of
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city
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the city
show examples
 will become more comfortable
to
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for
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 walking and running.By forbidding
the
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apply
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cars
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,the
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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city
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center
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centre
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 becomes comfortable for
people
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.A good example here is the
city
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Loznica
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of Loznica
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that
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apply
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located in Serbia,if you look the before and after the change,
the
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apply
show examples
 more
people
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 were in
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city
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the city
show examples
centre
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 after the change than before. Turning to
other
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the other
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 side of the argument,by banning
the
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apply
show examples
cars
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 from the
city
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centre
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,
the
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apply
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 more traffic will be beyond the
city
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centre
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,here is
the
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a
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 good example of it,the capital
city
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 of The Czech Republic,Praga after banning
the
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apply
show examples
private
cars
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 from
city
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centre
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 the
city
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 faced the problem of big traffic. Another major disadvantage is big companies that
located
Add a missing verb
are located
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 in the
centre
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 of
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city
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the city
show examples
,it becomes a big problem for
people
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 that don’t live in the
centre
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 of town,
for
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instance
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instance,
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 let’s again take a look at Praga,after a law of private
cars
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 or become
serious
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a serious
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 problem for
people
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 that don’t live there. Having weighed everything mentioned up,we can come to
conclusion
Add an article
the conclusion
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 that
people
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 will face the good side of banning private
cars
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 as bad,but
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it’s looking at the mean.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Make sure to use paragraphs effectively to separate each main point, and use topic sentences to introduce these points at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Each point should be logically developed and fully supported with examples. Expand on your ideas and explain how your examples support your points.
task achievement
Addressing the topic completely is crucial. Make sure to fully explore both sides of the argument before giving your opinion.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be more clearly expressed. Aim for clarity and avoid ambiguity. Simple language and sentence structure can often be more effective in conveying your ideas.
task achievement
Use specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. Provide more details to make your examples more illustrative and impactful.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which is good. It shows that you have considered multiple perspectives before forming your opinion.
task achievement
You have provided examples to support your points, which helps in making your argument stronger and more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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