The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries; others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is private
cars
in
city
centres It is
undeniably
Change the word
undeniable
show examples
that
cars
has
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have
show examples
become an essential of our life.
However
, there is no absolute agreement as some
people
find
ban
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
private
cars
beneficial,
while
others consider everything associated with
cars
negatively.Surely there are both pros and cons to
ban
Change the verb form
banning
show examples
cars
from the
city
centre
but I believe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
. One of the main positives of
ban
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banning
show examples
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
show examples
from the
centre
of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
is safety,by outlawing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
show examples
in the
city
centre
,the amount of crime will ease.
For instance
,
the
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in the
show examples
city
Somber
Change preposition
of Somber
show examples
which
locate
Wrong verb form
is located
show examples
in Serbia, the
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
amount of crime in the
centre
of Somber
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
were reduce
Change the verb form
were reduced
show examples
by forbidding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
automobiles from the
city
centre
. Another advantage is that the middle of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
will become more comfortable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
walking and running.By forbidding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cars
,the
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
becomes comfortable for
people
.A good example here is the
city
Loznica
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of Loznica
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
located in Serbia,if you look the before and after the change,
the
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apply
show examples
more
people
were in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
centre
after the change than before. Turning to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
side of the argument,by banning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cars
from the
city
centre
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more traffic will be beyond the
city
centre
,here is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good example of it,the capital
city
of The Czech Republic,Praga after banning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private
cars
from
city
centre
the
city
faced the problem of big traffic. Another major disadvantage is big companies that
located
Add a missing verb
are located
show examples
in the
centre
of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
,it becomes a big problem for
people
that don’t live in the
centre
of town,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
let’s again take a look at Praga,after a law of private
cars
or become
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
problem for
people
that don’t live there. Having weighed everything mentioned up,we can come to
conclusion
Add an article
the conclusion
show examples
that
people
will face the good side of banning private
cars
as bad,but
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
it’s looking at the mean.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Make sure to use paragraphs effectively to separate each main point, and use topic sentences to introduce these points at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Each point should be logically developed and fully supported with examples. Expand on your ideas and explain how your examples support your points.
task achievement
Addressing the topic completely is crucial. Make sure to fully explore both sides of the argument before giving your opinion.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be more clearly expressed. Aim for clarity and avoid ambiguity. Simple language and sentence structure can often be more effective in conveying your ideas.
task achievement
Use specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. Provide more details to make your examples more illustrative and impactful.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which is good. It shows that you have considered multiple perspectives before forming your opinion.
task achievement
You have provided examples to support your points, which helps in making your argument stronger and more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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