IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that holding sporting events is beneficial to countries' development. However, other people hold the opposite opinion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Some are of the opinion that if a nation hosts sports affairs, it would aid in the
country
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's
overall
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 growth.
However
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, others contradict the aforementioned idea. I believe that conducting sports events has both merits and demerits which shall be discussed in the following passages.
Firstly
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,
games
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 are getting very popular through the internet and other social media platforms.
Hence
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, every
country
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 would like to arrange big competitive
games
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 where
,
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apply
show examples
 they invite neighbouring countries to come and play in their homeland where they will gain recognition.
This
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 creates a plethora of opportunities to increase in-
country
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 revenue because many
people
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 will visit their
country
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 resulting in a hike in tourism, which in turn helps small business owners earn huge earnings and increase job opportunities for the locals.
For example
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, when the USA conducted the Olympic
games
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, it had the highest record of tourists entering the
country
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 and earned nearly 5 million dollars in hotels, food and tourist sectors. Having said that, there are
also
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 some concerns with
this
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 phenomenon. Foreigners who visit a new land, do not understand the culture or customs and end up upsetting the native community. Another issue is,
due to
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 the high volume of
people
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 entering the
country
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 they might end up littering so much trash and causing inconvenience to the residents.
For example
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, when the Football World Cup took place in UAE,
people
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 did not understand the importance of their dress code and ultimately ended up hurting local's feelings. To put it in a nutshell, In my perspective, if the
country
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 is capable of handling
people
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 who flock to watch
games
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, they should definitely host. Even though there are some downsides to inviting sports teams to their native land, the advantage of organising athletic events has more benefits.

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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph clearly articulates a single main point and consistently supports it with relevant details and examples. This will improve the clarity and depth of your arguments.
cohesion
Consider adding a more balanced argument in the conclusion by summarizing both the advantages and disadvantages more cohesively before stating your opinion. This will provide a more comprehensive overview and strengthen your conclusion.
coherence
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's stance. It provides a good preview of what will be discussed in the essay.
task response
Relevant examples, such as the Olympics in the USA and the Football World Cup in the UAE, are provided to support the main points. This adds specificity and strengthens the arguments.
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