Today, more and more tourists are visiting place where conditions are difficult, such as, Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are benefit and disadvantage for tourists who visit such place?
Nowadays a lot of people visit locations where circumstances are extremely hard,
such
as deserts or the furtherst
Nort point of the Earth. Some would say that it is the way to find new emotions, Correct your spelling
farthest
while
other
would argue it can be Fix the agreement mistake
others
dangerious
for life.
Correct your spelling
dangerous
In
Change preposition
On
one
hand, the main advantage Correct article usage
the one
in
being Change preposition
of
at
areas with extra conditions is high-level emotions with Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
a
big
amount of adrenaline in veins. It enables humans to find Correct word choice
large
such
adventures, while
common tours become boring to them. For example
, last
researches
by the British Royal Scientific Fix the agreement mistake
research
organization
shows that over 30% of adults up to 30 Capitalize word
Organization
y.o.prefer
to buy extreme voyages, Correct your spelling
years prefer
otherwhile
common tours present Correct your spelling
while
decreasing
demand dynamic.
Despite Correct article usage
a decreasing
this
phenomenon, looking for the risk
encourages the part of our society to lead a very dangerious
lifestyle.
Correct your spelling
dangerous
In
Change preposition
On
Correct article usage
the other
other hand
, Extreme Change the wording
another hand
other hands
touprism
for Correct your spelling
tourism
the
extended period of time means that adults Correct article usage
an
do
Verb problem
pose
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
risk
for
their health. Hard conditions during tourism Change preposition
to
leads
to obesity of related diseases, Change the verb form
lead
such
as heart diseases
and stress, fractures and bruisesFix the agreement mistake
disease
Rephrase
apply
also
. For example
, last
data presented by the Medical insurance company, Correct article usage
the last
show
that Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
risk
of health injury Correct article usage
the risk
in
extreme Change preposition
on
tour
Fix the agreement mistake
tours
contains
over 42% Verb problem
is
Correct word choice
higher then
then
Replace the word
than
traditional
Change preposition
on traditional
tour
. In my opinion, People should understand all Fix the agreement mistake
tours
risks
and Correct article usage
the risks
reasponsibility
for their choice before they start to travel, Correct your spelling
responsibilities
such
kind of the
rest makes it overconsuming.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
apply
altough
Correct your spelling
although
to travel
to places with hard conditions can bring extra emotions, Change the verb form
travelling
but
often the price for it is Correct word choice
apply
risk
Add an article
a risk
the risk
to damage
health. That's why, customers should know all Change preposition
of damaging
consequnses
Correct your spelling
consequences
for
their choice, honestly accepting safety rules which are Change preposition
of
recomended
by guides, because places like Sahara don't forgive mistakes, Correct your spelling
recommended
also
to be in good physical condition is required.Submitted by interclass1982 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure. For example, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and expand it in a well-organized manner. Use linking words and phrases to improve coherence between sentences and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are well-developed. Your introduction should provide a clear overview of what will be discussed, and your conclusion should succinctly wrap up the main points mentioned in the essay.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score for task response, aim to fully elaborate on each point you present. Providing more detailed and specific examples can help in making your arguments stronger and clearer.
miscellaneous
Watch out for grammatical inaccuracies and spelling errors. These can detract from the overall effectiveness of your essay. Make sure to proofread your work or use grammar-check tools.
structure
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which is essential in making the essay well-structured.
evidence
You provide relevant examples in your essay, which can strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
argumentation
By addressing both advantages and disadvantages, you have presented a balanced view, which is crucial for a well-rounded argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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