Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Due to
the limited budgets of the country, the government is responsible for allocating them for activities that are important and should be immediately developed. Some people consider that the government should not spend money on the arts
they are not the most necessary issue. This
essay will elaborate on the reasons why I disagreed with this
view.
First,
the arts
increase the value of products. Although
the product’s functions are important, the design is also
crucial for price setting and customers’ decisions. The higher product prices generate more of the country’s income and lead to the
better financial situation Correct article usage
a
of
the country. Change preposition
for
For example
, art toys have recently become popular in Thailand. There are many international collectors who pay attention to the toys’ design and desire to give extra money for the rare ones. The incoming revenue from these goods is significantly high and it shows the economic potential of arts
products very well.
Second,
the arts
support and improve people’s mental health especially
for Add the comma(s)
, especially
the one
who Correct your spelling
those
is
working in the big cities and facing a lot of pressure and stress. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
In addition
, the increase in number
of happy populations leads to Change the article
a number
the number
the
decrease in crime rates. To give a clear example, there should be a place, Correct article usage
a
such
as museum
, where the Change the article
a museum
populations
can relax and enjoy the Fix the agreement mistake
population
arts
during the weekends or their holidays.
To conclude
, the arts
cause
several positive impacts on various aspects of Verb problem
have
the
society. It can improve the mental health of the Correct article usage
apply
populations
. Fix the agreement mistake
population
Furthermore
, it can add value of
the products which Change preposition
to
lead
to the country’s wealth. Those are the reasons why I agree that the government should continuously support the Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
arts
industry.Submitted by Punpun on
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly outline your position on government spending on the arts. To enhance the introduction, you might consider briefly previewing the main points you'll discuss.
supported main points
Your main points are generally well-supported, but some areas could benefit from a bit more detail or specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, you could provide more specific data about how much art toys have contributed to Thailand's economy.
logical structure
While your essay is mostly clear and logically structured, there are a few areas where the transition between ideas could be smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
complete response
Your response is complete and addresses the topic well. You provide clear and comprehensive ideas on why you believe government spending on the arts is beneficial.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as the mention of art toys in Thailand, to support your points. This helps to make your argument more persuasive.
clear comprehensive ideas
You demonstrate a good command of language and your ideas are generally well-organized. The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.