IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents since their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family

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Today,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 are taken care
by
Change preposition
of by
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 their grandparents because their
parents
Use synonyms
 choose to have 9 to 5
job
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jobs
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. I am of the opinion that it does not cause hindrance to a large extent as they are surrounded by well support system.
However
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,
this
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 phenomenon has some downside which shall be discussed in the following passages. In today's world,
due to
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 rising prices in
commodity
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commodities
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 and goods, there is no choice but both
genderr
Correct your spelling
genders
gender
 ought to work to keep up with their household expenditure.
Hence
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,
instead
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 of leaving their prodigy in
day care
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daycare
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, they seek help from their
parents
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 to take care of their grandchildren. In my point of view, I think it is a great alternative solution because
,
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apply
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 grandmother and grandfather will always inculcate and teach good habits to our
children
Use synonyms
 through small games and stories. Because, old generation people are retired, helping their
children
Use synonyms
's baby raise keeps them occupied.
Hence
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, it is a win-win situation for everybody. Another advantage is that
,
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apply
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parents
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 can work in peace knowing their
off springs
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offsprings
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 are in good and safe
hand
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hands
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 which can indirectly help them in their careers.
However
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,
on the contrary
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, there are some demerits,
such
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 as toddlers and
pre teenagers
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pre-teenagers
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 are very active individuals,
older
Correct word choice
and older
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 people cannot keep up with their speed and might end up having an injury.
This
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 causes inconvenience to them.
Furthermore
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, today kids are becoming very smart with
gadget's
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gadgets
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, senior
citizen
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citizens
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 might not have that much knowledge about new technology,
hence
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 it becomes difficult for them to teach any school work to their descendants.
Also
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, because
children
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 spend so much time with their grandparents, they might share everything only
them
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with them
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 making their
parents
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 feel left out and guilty. Anyways, couples can overcome
this
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 issue by spending quality time during the weekends.
To conclude
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, I think grandparents can be a boon to
great
Add an article
a great
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 extent as
children
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 are in safe hands and
doesn't
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don't
show examples
 cause much hindrance to anyone.

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task response
Consider revising the introduction for clarity. The sentence 'children's are taken care by their grandparents' contains a grammatical error. It should be 'children are taken care of by their grandparents.'
task response
Ensure consistency in tense and subject-verb agreement. For example, change 'both gender ought to work' to 'both genders ought to work.'
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with punctuation to improve readability, such as eliminating unnecessary commas (e.g., 'Because, old generation people are retired, helping their children's baby raise ...' should be 'Because older people are retired, helping raise their grandchildren ...').
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by connecting ideas more smoothly. For instance, the transition between benefits and drawbacks could be more fluid.
task response
It might be helpful to expand on the specific examples provided or include additional examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
task response
The essay does a commendable job of addressing both sides of the issue, looking at both advantages and drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion present the reader with a clear understanding of the essay's purpose and wrap up the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay uses a logical structure, presenting each point in an organized manner, making it easier for the reader to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • multigenerational households
  • emotional support
  • generational gap
  • life lessons
  • family bonds
  • childcare
  • health issues
  • values
  • guilt
  • regret
  • family dynamics
  • sense of purpose
  • physical strain
  • emotional strain
  • societal implications
What to do next:
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