Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents since their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family
Today,
childrens
are taken care Correct your spelling
children
by
their grandparents because their Change preposition
of by
parents
choose to have 9 to 5 job
. I am of the opinion that it does not cause hindrance to a large extent as they are surrounded by well support system. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
However
, this
phenomenon has some downside which shall be discussed in the following passages.
In today's world, due to
rising prices in commodity
and goods, there is no choice but both Fix the agreement mistake
commodities
genderr
ought to work to keep up with their household expenditure. Correct your spelling
genders
gender
Hence
, instead
of leaving their prodigy in day care
, they seek help from their Correct your spelling
daycare
parents
to take care of their grandchildren. In my point of view, I think it is a great alternative solution because,
grandmother and grandfather will always inculcate and teach good habits to our Remove the comma
apply
children
through small games and stories. Because, old generation people are retired, helping their children
's baby raise keeps them occupied. Hence
, it is a win-win situation for everybody. Another advantage is that,
Remove the comma
apply
parents
can work in peace knowing their off springs
are in good and safe Correct your spelling
offsprings
hand
which can indirectly help them in their careers.
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
However
, on the contrary
, there are some demerits, such
as toddlers and pre teenagers
are very active individuals, Add a hyphen
pre-teenagers
older
people cannot keep up with their speed and might end up having an injury. Correct word choice
and older
This
causes inconvenience to them. Furthermore
, today kids are becoming very smart with gadget's
, senior Change noun form
gadgets
citizen
might not have that much knowledge about new technology, Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
hence
it becomes difficult for them to teach any school work to their descendants. Also
, because children
spend so much time with their grandparents, they might share everything only them
making their Change preposition
with them
parents
feel left out and guilty. Anyways, couples can overcome this
issue by spending quality time during the weekends.
To conclude
, I think grandparents can be a boon to great
extent as Add an article
a great
children
are in safe hands and doesn't
cause much hindrance to anyone.Change the verb form
don't
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task response
Consider revising the introduction for clarity. The sentence 'children's are taken care by their grandparents' contains a grammatical error. It should be 'children are taken care of by their grandparents.'
task response
Ensure consistency in tense and subject-verb agreement. For example, change 'both gender ought to work' to 'both genders ought to work.'
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with punctuation to improve readability, such as eliminating unnecessary commas (e.g., 'Because, old generation people are retired, helping their children's baby raise ...' should be 'Because older people are retired, helping raise their grandchildren ...').
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by connecting ideas more smoothly. For instance, the transition between benefits and drawbacks could be more fluid.
task response
It might be helpful to expand on the specific examples provided or include additional examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
task response
The essay does a commendable job of addressing both sides of the issue, looking at both advantages and drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion present the reader with a clear understanding of the essay's purpose and wrap up the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay uses a logical structure, presenting each point in an organized manner, making it easier for the reader to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example