IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

International communities should act immediately to ensure that all countries reduce their consumption of fossil fuels, e.g. gas and oil.  To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#communities #act #countries #consumption #fuels #e #g #gas #oil
In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a significant increase in the consumption of fossil
fuels
 in order to spur economic development.
However
,
this
 causes a range of ecological problems,
such
 as air pollution and energy crisis.
Therefore
, some people
call
Verb problem
say
show examples
 that all countries should reduce the use of fossil
fuels
. I tend to agree with
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 view. One primary reason is that
this
 measure is beneficial for reducing carbon dioxide emissions (the main contributor to the rise of global temperature) and the growing speed of climate and ocean temperature. If the action were not taken, there would not be chances for many marine and land flora and fauna to live, since they cannot adapt to the warmer water and find suitable habitats to
scrape
Verb problem
make
show examples
 a living.
Besides
, the proposed action has positive effects on relieving
energy
Correct article usage
the energy
show examples
 crisis. With the limitation of using fossil
fuels
 from international communities, every nation will be forced to devote more resources, including funds and labour, to the research and development of renewable energies,
such
 as solar and
hydro power
Correct your spelling
hydropower
show examples
, which are more eco-friendly and can promote the well-being of both human and wild creatures.
However
, some countries may not have any experience in developing new energy. If cutting down the use of traditional
fuels
 in these nations is urged, citizens'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 may suffer and struggle.
Thus
, I think the measure should first taken in some developed countries, which are often the principal consumers of fossil
fuels
,
due to
 the cutting-edge technology of developing alternative energies there. At the same time, international communities should help introduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced technology into underdeveloped regions to pave the base of
also
 decreasing the use of gas and oil there. In conclusion, I think it is the developed areas that should be the region where the tactic be taken
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
. And
then
 with the help of international organizations, other regions should
also
 adopt
this
 policy to make a joint effort together to protect our planet.
Submitted by 1378468145 on

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task achievement
You have presented a clear and coherent argument, supported by relevant examples. However, you could improve by expanding on some points, especially in the body paragraphs, to provide more depth and detailed analysis. Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to support your claims for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all sentences contribute meaningfully to your argument. Avoid any redundancy and maintain a consistent flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next. Work on reinforcing the logical connections between your paragraphs to improve coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets up the argument, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance, maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
supported main points
You provide a well-supported main point related to the benefits of reducing fossil fuel consumption. This strengthens your argument and aids task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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