in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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A controversial argument has arisen between two
view
Change to a plural noun
views
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, the first viewpoint believes that old
people
Use synonyms
are beneficial,
while
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the other one disagrees with that. In
this
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report, I will go through the merits and demerits of having them, and
then
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allow me
to conclude
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my point of view. On the one hand, elderly
people
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help to commemorate countries' cultures and they are professional workers.
For example
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, in KSA,
in
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on
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the national day, a
lot
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of citizens did not know how to wear antique clothing,
while
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their ancestors were able to identify
how
Correct word choice
what
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the old style
looks
Wrong verb form
looked
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like.
Besides
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that, in Japan, which contains the highest percentage of elderly
people
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, their culture is famous because there are a
lot
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of
people
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who protect their old traditions.
Moreover
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, they are helpful, beneficial, responsible, and profitable because a
lot
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of them did not use the internet when they were younger;
as a result
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, they have a
lot
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of helpful skills which are difficult to find nowadays
such
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as problem-solving, searching, and communication.
On the other hand
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, they are money-consuming. To illustrate that, their health is usually poor so a
lot
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of money is spent to treat them.
Also
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, a
lot
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of them are unemployed, so governments should give them money without working, and many statistics capture that a large part of the country's economy is spent on them either as
incomes
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income
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or
medicens
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medicine
.
Additionally
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, many reports show that developed countries have
less
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a lower
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percentage of old
people
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;
as a consequence
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, their economy is extremely high because young
people
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are more productive than old ones . In conclusion,
although
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old
people
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are helpful and beneficial, they are, indeed, useless and money-consuming.
However
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, I believe that the disadvantages of having an ageing population surpass the advantages.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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cohesion
Some sentences are slightly unclear or awkward. For example, 'a controversial argument has arisen between two view, the first viewpoint believes that old people are beneficial, while the other one disagrees with that...' can be improved for clarity.
cohesion
Better transitions between paragraphs would enhance the flow of your essay. For instance, instead of 'on the one hand,' you could write 'First and foremost' and for the next paragraph 'Conversely' could be used.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are fully explained and elaborated on. The point regarding old people being 'money-consuming' could be explained further to provide a richer context.
coherence
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which sets a solid structure for your essay.
task achievement
Examples are given which are relevant and help to support your points, such as mentioning Japan's culture and statistics regarding productivity.
cohesion
The use of connectives like 'moreover' and 'besides that' help in linking ideas within paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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