in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
A controversial argument has arisen between two
view
, the first viewpoint believes that old Change to a plural noun
views
people
are beneficial, while
the other one disagrees with that. In this
report, I will go through the merits and demerits of having them, and then
allow me to conclude
my point of view.
On the one hand, elderly people
help to commemorate countries' cultures and they are professional workers. For example
, in KSA, in
the national day, a Change preposition
on
lot
of citizens did not know how to wear antique clothing, while
their ancestors were able to identify how
the old style Correct word choice
what
looks
like. Wrong verb form
looked
Besides
that, in Japan, which contains the highest percentage of elderly people
, their culture is famous because there are a lot
of people
who protect their old traditions. Moreover
, they are helpful, beneficial, responsible, and profitable because a lot
of them did not use the internet when they were younger; as a result
, they have a lot
of helpful skills which are difficult to find nowadays such
as problem-solving, searching, and communication.
On the other hand
, they are money-consuming. To illustrate that, their health is usually poor so a lot
of money is spent to treat them. Also
, a lot
of them are unemployed, so governments should give them money without working, and many statistics capture that a large part of the country's economy is spent on them either as incomes
or Fix the agreement mistake
income
medicens
. Correct your spelling
medicine
Additionally
, many reports show that developed countries have less
percentage of old Fix the agreement mistake
a lower
people
; as a consequence
, their economy is extremely high because young people
are more productive than old ones .
In conclusion, although
old people
are helpful and beneficial, they are, indeed, useless and money-consuming. However
, I believe that the disadvantages of having an ageing population surpass the advantages.Submitted by haneenalnetaif on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
cohesion
Some sentences are slightly unclear or awkward. For example, 'a controversial argument has arisen between two view, the first viewpoint believes that old people are beneficial, while the other one disagrees with that...' can be improved for clarity.
cohesion
Better transitions between paragraphs would enhance the flow of your essay. For instance, instead of 'on the one hand,' you could write 'First and foremost' and for the next paragraph 'Conversely' could be used.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are fully explained and elaborated on. The point regarding old people being 'money-consuming' could be explained further to provide a richer context.
coherence
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which sets a solid structure for your essay.
task achievement
Examples are given which are relevant and help to support your points, such as mentioning Japan's culture and statistics regarding productivity.
cohesion
The use of connectives like 'moreover' and 'besides that' help in linking ideas within paragraphs.