In the contemporary era, a growing amount of money has been deeply invested in artworks by the governments. There are some proponents who advocate that this largely artistic investment could ideally be spent on many other vital fileds
In the contemporary era, a growing amount of money has been deeply invested in artworks by the
governments
. There are some proponents who advocate that this
largely artistic investment
could ideally be spent on many other vital fileds
. Correct your spelling
fields
files
This
essay’s writer staunchly believes that authorities should prioritize public platforms due to
its
long-Correct pronoun usage
their
last
positive influences as well as
avoiding the highly potential country’s degradation resulting from unsuccesful
financial development.
It is essential to recognize that allocating a great deal of budget to artistic domains is Correct your spelling
unsuccessful
successful
unsafe
economic Correct article usage
an unsafe
strategies at
Replace the word
strategy
all
. To elaborate on Correct determiner usage
apply
this
, regardless of highly
demand of citizens to Rephrase
the high
pursuit
Replace the word
pursue
of
beauty and perfection from majestic sculptures or paintings which seem to cultivate their spirit lives, Change preposition
apply
governments
had better to
take control in balancing their finance supporting Remove the marker
apply
art
with other fundamental public programs like healthcare
system or educational advancement. Correct article usage
the healthcare
Otherwise
, they will cetainly
run into Correct your spelling
certainly
a
debt Remove the article
apply
in
soon or later since the Change preposition
apply
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
as well as
incentives gain
from Wrong verb form
gained
art
institutions is
virtually inconsiderable. Taking American authorities for the prime instance where politics always strive Correct subject-verb agreement
are
for putting
Change preposition
to put
moneytary
effort into the Correct your spelling
monetary
drastical
development of transportation and colleges which are frequently advertised with several artistic posters wrapping around the buses or on some main halls in the universities as an effective method for Correct your spelling
practical
art
investment
.
However
, there are some opponents who strongly support the idea of excessive concern of governments
in developing many pieces of art
due to
its visualized values contributing to the process of beautilizing the perspectives of globe
towards their country. Add an article
the globe
This
may be a valid point in
some extent, but people ought to consider sustained benefits in any investments, either Change preposition
to
family-size
or national size. Correct your spelling
family size
In other words
, although
the main purpose of expanding artistic
Correct article usage
the artistic
filed
Correct your spelling
field
seem
to be a valuable Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
compaign
Correct your spelling
campaign
s
it bolsters cultural Change preposition
apply
strengtheness
. Correct your spelling
strength
Nevertheless
, shold
Correct your spelling
should
government
immensively invest in Correct article usage
the government
this
area, it will turn out to be unsuccesary for the reason that other sectors are greatl
more Correct your spelling
greatly
great
imparative
.
From Correct your spelling
imperative
this
writer’s xperience
, I firmly recommend that the more Correct your spelling
experience
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
governments
have for
Change preposition
in
artistic
Correct article usage
the artistic
filed
, the more meticulous recording history they need to do so. Correct your spelling
field
To simply
put, even no matter how much budget Change preposition
Simply
authorites
have spent on works of Correct your spelling
authorities
art
, it is indispensable to implement as soon as possible manyeconomic
regulations Correct your spelling
many economic
as well as
stricter laws on curbing these investments. As a result
, even if governments
freely invest national money in this
area, but with a certain control, their countries will not definitely run a debt or even contrastly
increasingly develop.
In Correct your spelling
contrast
contrasty
the
conclusion, a prediction of leaving Correct article usage
apply
such
countries with insurmountable debt and the
investing paucity in other urgent services Correct article usage
apply
as
healthcare or educational development are essential points that need to be considered. Correct quantifier usage
such as
Hence
, in order to balance between artistic investment
and public programs, governments
must maintain to
Change preposition
apply
regularly
Change the word
regular
record
Correct subject-verb agreement
records
their
own expenditure or their Change preposition
of their
investment
will become rdundant
Correct your spelling
redundant
along
with
futileChange preposition
apply
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task achievement
You have addressed the main issues in the prompt and provided a clear stance. However, some parts of your argument could be further expanded and clarified to make your response more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
To achieve better coherence, consider using more linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas within paragraphs. For example, instead of starting a sentence with 'However,' use phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Conversely' to show contrast.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical and spelling errors (e.g., 'filed' instead of 'field', 'moneytary' instead of 'monetary'). Taking the time to proofread and correct these will help maintain the clarity of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, when you mention the importance of education and healthcare, provide more details on why these areas are critical for a country’s development.
introduction conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main ideas well.
logical structure
You attempt to present both sides of the argument before stating your position, which is a good strategy for a balanced essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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