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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#bar #percentages #three #groups #japanese #children #part #four #kinds #activities #information #features #comparisions
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The featured graph compares the proportions of four
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
 of activities taken by Japanese
children
 in three different
age
 groups.
Overall
, with
age
 growing up, there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
children
tend
Correct pronoun usage
who tend
show examples
 to watch
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
 and
surfing
Replace the word
surf
show examples
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
 reading and riding become more popular as their ages
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 up. It is clear from the chart that, the proportion
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 kids who choose to watch TV in their spare time is higher than any other activities,
while
 the activity of playing computer games is the lowest one. There are 90%
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 5 to 8
years
 old
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 part in
seeing
Verb problem
watching
show examples
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
,
while
 that only accounts for 80%
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
 between 9 to 16
years
 old.
By contrast
, playing computer games seems
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 less
attracti ve
Correct your spelling
attractive
show examples
 for young kids and adolescents. Only 60%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 with 5 to 8
age
 would like to spend time on it, 55% when they
close
Add a missing verb
are close
show examples
 to 10
years
 old and 40% when they
getting
Verb problem
are
show examples
 12
years
 old.
Additionally
, there are around 60%
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
 aged 5 to 8,
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 reading as their after-class
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
, and that figure increases to 70% for
children
 beyond 9
years
 old. Meanwhile, the percentage of
children
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
spend their time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
riding
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bike is 62% when they are 5 to 8
yearls
Correct your spelling
years
 old, but that figure for
children
 whose
age
over
Add a missing verb
is over
show examples
 12 is 82%.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, age, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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