IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that competitive sports, both team and individual, have no place in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports #team #place #school #curriculum
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Many
people
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 think competitive
sports
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,
team
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 playing and individual
sports
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 have no course of study in
school
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. I tend to disagree with
this
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 idea because I think playing
sports
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both
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team
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 and individually helps them in the future and is the best way for
children
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's health. Most
people
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 say that competitive
sports
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both
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team
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 and individual should be eliminated from
school
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 but they do not think about
this
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 idea, so when competitive
sports
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 are removed from
school
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children
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 get hurt in the future.
Moreover
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, playing
sports
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 helps them in their
lives
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.
For instance
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,
children
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 play with a
team
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 in
school
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, they learn to
work
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 and cooperate and when they grow up, go to University and at
work
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 they can
work
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 and adapt to other
people
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 or their colleagues. Another point to consider is that when students compete in individual
sports
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 in
school
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 and they race many times a year, they know they should try to win the games and when they are adults and they live on their own, they know and try to succeed in their
lives
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.
For example
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, many
people
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work
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 self-employed or
work
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 for a company and it is important to compete with other colleagues.
As a result
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, they can adapt to any new situation in their
lives
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 because they learn to
work
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 individually.
On the other hand
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, playing
sports
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both
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team
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 and individually in the course of study is the best way for
children
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's health and it is an important part of growing up and helps them.
Furthermore
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, when they exercise during their education they have a healthy body. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with
this
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 idea and I think competitive
sports
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both
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, have beneficial effects on
lives
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 in the future and during their education it is good for student's health.
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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the two sides of the argument and your position. This makes it more effective in engaging the reader.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, with each paragraph focused on a single main idea. This enhances readability and coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and explanations to support your main points, making them more compelling and detailed.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of cohesive devices (such as 'however', 'moreover', 'furthermore') accurately to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and reaffirms your position, which leaves a strong final impression.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the benefits of competitive sports in terms of teamwork, adaptability, and health.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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