It is universally accepted that eating too much sugar has a negative effect on people’s health. Therefore, some believe that the government should control the amount of sugar people consume. Others think that it is the responsibility of an individual to monitor their sugar intake. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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It is a fact that high
intake
of sugar
has detrimental impacts on people
around the world. Whilst many think that the government must have control
over people
regarding sugar
consumption, I believe that it is the duty of a person to impose proper control
on the level of sugar
they consume in their diet.
To begin
with the first point of view, it is true that governments across various countries have the power and authority to impose control
on the sugar
levels which people
consume, and they have ways to do that. First of all, they can levy heavy taxes on the foods and drinks which contain high amounts of sugar
, for example
, sugary beverages like canned juice and fizzy drinks, as this
would stop people
from buying them frequently. Secondly
, governments can also
run awareness campaigns in different cities to aware their residents about the devastating effects sugar
has on the health of an individual, for instance
, diabetes and obesity that
might become fatal sometimes.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
On the contrary
, I support the latter argument, and I would say that controlling the intake
of sugar
is not a mere responsibility of the government; however
, it is the onus of a person as well. People
in order to stay healthy must control
their intake
of sugar
products as this
does not only aid them to stay fit but also
saves their future generations as well because diabetes mostly becomes a heredity disease.
Moreover
, these days there are so many applications on mobile phones through which humans can track their calories and the amount of sugar
they consume, for example
, the health and fitness apps on iPhone.
In conclusion, although
governments can monitor and control
the level of sugar
by running awareness campaigns or by making sugary items expensive with tax, I am still convinced that it is in the hands of people
to track their sugar
intake
if they want to save themselves from the ill effects like obesity.Submitted by harleenarora620 on
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task achievement
You have provided a well-rounded discussion on both viewpoints and included a clear, personal opinion which is great. However, expanding more on how government measures might directly impact individual behavior could strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and flows well from one idea to the next. There is a clear introduction and conclusion, and your main points are supported. To improve, you could ensure smoother transitions between points to enhance readability.
task achievement
Effective use of specific examples like taxing sugary beverages and the availability of mobile applications for tracking sugar intake enhances your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized; the introduction and conclusion are clear, and you have effectively structured your paragraphs around key points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.