The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend

Child obesity is a challenging dilemma in the modern world these days, especially in

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

society, where the proportion of obese

children

has grown by almost 20% in the

last

decade.

This

essay will elaborate on several main culprits of

this

issue and propose some outcomes of

this

problem. There are various factors leading to the grounds of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

rising in number of obese

children

. First of all, the diet of kids is mostly ignored by their parents.

This

due to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

ignorance about the essential substances that are needed for the growth of

children

and bad foods harming their kids.

Therefore

, harmful meals,

such

as ready-made meals, which are a quick and easy option for many parents, are usually fed to

children

, leading to detrimental matter entering the body. Another reason for the large number of obese

children

is the numerous advertisements.

For instance

, more and more

colorful

Change the spelling

colourful

show examples

advertisements about fast food brands like Pizza Hut or McDonald’s appear on every device, attracting

children

to eat fast food. The effects of

this

have been and will continue to be very serious.

Firstly

children

with obesity tend to have more diseases than normal

children

, especially cancer.

In addition

, cancer is a very dangerous health problem, which may make the

children

stay in the hospital forever. Not only that, overweight

children

often experience bullying from other kids because of the difference in body size.

For example

according to

a survey in 2022, among 100 students in a high school, more than 30% of them have discriminated against obese people.

This

can damage obese

children

’s mental health and make them feel unconfident whenever they go out. In conclusion, it is evident that there are several causes of

this

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

obesity

Change preposition

among

show examples

amongst

Change preposition

among

show examples

children

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and a variety of negative effects. Society must propose methods to end

this

issue.

Submitted by khoianh2404 on Fri May 17 2024

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task achievement

You have addressed the task effectively, covering both causes and effects clearly. However, your essay could benefit from a more in-depth analysis and more detailed examples.

coherence cohesion

Your ideas are generally well-organized and logically structured. To improve, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to enhance the flow of your argument.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both clear and concise, fulfilling their roles well. However, you could strengthen your conclusion by suggesting specific methods society could use to address childhood obesity.

task achievement

Your essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, discussing both causes and effects in a balanced manner.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction gives a good overview of the topic, and your conclusion successfully summarizes the main points of your essay.

task achievement

You have used relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the credibility and persuasiveness of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

overweight
obesity
caloric intake
sedentary lifestyle
screen time
physical education
nutritious
psychological well-being
self-esteem
socioeconomic
healthcare system
life expectancy
obesity-related complications

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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words.

Your opinion

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Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.