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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, the high sales of popular goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In today's era sales of popular
products
Use synonyms
 are huge
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
represent
Wrong verb form
representing
show examples
 the power of
advetising
Correct your spelling
advertising
however
Linking Words
that is
Linking Words
 not the actual demand of
Use synonyms
society
Correct article usage
the society
show examples
 in which they are sold.
According to
Linking Words
 my point of
Correct your spelling
view
veiw
Add a comma
veiw,
show examples
 I
am very much agree
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very much agree
show examples
 with the statement.
Body paragraph 1
To commence with, nowadays people spend more time watching reels on social
paltforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
 like
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
,
tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 and many more. These
paltforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
also
Linking Words
 allow
advertiser
Add an article
the advertiser
an advertiser
show examples
 to showcase their
products
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 using paid marketing provided by these platforms to reach as many users
they
Correct word choice
as they
show examples
intent
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intend
show examples
 to.
Body paragraph 2
Mostly
advertiser
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advertisers
show examples
 create a
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 viewers to watch
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 more often.
Moreover
Linking Words
, to maintain
the
Change the word
their
show examples
status
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
 individuals purchase
products
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 that are actually not necessary but they do
for
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to
show examples
shoing
Correct your spelling
show
 their
status
Use synonyms
. Many do purchase clones of watches and phones so
other
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others
show examples
 can think he/she is rich.
Body paragraph 3
For Instance
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, A recent research of March 2024 shows that
people's
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people
show examples
 are buying more
products
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 via advertisements shown on multimedia platforms.
Body paragraph 4
On the other hand
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, I think
generation
Correct article usage
the generation
show examples
 is smart now they can differentiate between good and bad. To explain, many
believing
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 investing their
hard earned
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hard-earned
show examples
 money
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 more success rather than spending on those
products
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 which are not
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
also
Linking Words
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 fake
status
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 in
society
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 5
For example
Linking Words
, a recent article shared
on
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in
show examples
last
Linking Words
month
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month's
show examples
 newspaper via
Correct article usage
the Fiance
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Fiance
Correct your spelling
Finance
show examples
 Ministry of India public
are
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is
show examples
 found more inclined towards investing apart
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 building bogus fame in
society
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To Conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 many like
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shopping
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 that are not needed yet I believe smart people always avoid these activities
furthermore
Linking Words
, very well know how they can
built
Change the verb form
build
be built
show examples
status
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
 .

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grammar
Improve grammatical accuracy and consistency, especially in tenses and subject-verb agreement.
content development
Expand on main points with more specific examples and details to better support your arguments.
language use
Work on expanding your vocabulary and using more varied and precise language to articulate your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitional phrases and logical connectives more effectively to enhance the flow and clarity between paragraphs.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame the discussion.
task response
You have addressed the task by providing your point of view and supporting it with some arguments and examples.
relevance
The use of current references and examples demonstrates an awareness of contemporary issues.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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