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Band 4.5

Today, the high sales of popular goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sales #goods #power #society
In today's era sales of popular
products
 are huge
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
represent
Wrong verb form
representing
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 the power of
advetising
Correct your spelling
advertising
however
that is
 not the actual demand of
society
Correct article usage
the society
show examples
 in which they are sold.
According to
 my point of
Correct your spelling
view
veiw
Add a comma
veiw,
show examples
 I
am very much agree
Change the verb form
very much agree
show examples
 with the statement. To commence with, nowadays people spend more time watching reels on social
paltforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
 like
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
,
tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 and many more. These
paltforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
also
 allow
advertiser
Add an article
the advertiser
an advertiser
show examples
 to showcase their
products
 using paid marketing provided by these platforms to reach as many users
they
Correct word choice
as they
show examples
intent
Replace the word
intend
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 to. Mostly
advertiser
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisers
show examples
 create a
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 viewers to watch
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
products
 more often.
Moreover
, to maintain
the
Change the word
their
show examples
status
 in
society
 individuals purchase
products
 that are actually not necessary but they do
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
shoing
Correct your spelling
show
 their
status
. Many do purchase clones of watches and phones so
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 can think he/she is rich.
For Instance
, A recent research of March 2024 shows that
people's
Change noun form
people
show examples
 are buying more
products
 via advertisements shown on multimedia platforms.
On the other hand
, I think
generation
Correct article usage
the generation
show examples
 is smart now they can differentiate between good and bad. To explain, many
believing
Wrong verb form
believe
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 investing their
hard earned
Add a hyphen
hard-earned
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 money
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 more success rather than spending on those
products
 which are not
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
also
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 fake
status
 in
society
.
For example
, a recent article shared
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
last
month
Change noun form
month's
show examples
 newspaper via
Correct article usage
the Fiance
show examples
Fiance
Correct your spelling
Finance
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 Ministry of India public
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 found more inclined towards investing apart
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 building bogus fame in
society
.
To Conclude
,
although
 many like
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shopping
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
products
 that are not needed yet I believe smart people always avoid these activities
furthermore
, very well know how they can
built
Change the verb form
build
be built
show examples
status
 in
society
 .
Submitted by chhabra.shekhar on

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grammar
Improve grammatical accuracy and consistency, especially in tenses and subject-verb agreement.
content development
Expand on main points with more specific examples and details to better support your arguments.
language use
Work on expanding your vocabulary and using more varied and precise language to articulate your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitional phrases and logical connectives more effectively to enhance the flow and clarity between paragraphs.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame the discussion.
task response
You have addressed the task by providing your point of view and supporting it with some arguments and examples.
relevance
The use of current references and examples demonstrates an awareness of contemporary issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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