IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In an era characterized by captivating marketing campaigns, advertisement serves as an important milestone for brands. Some argue that advertising manages to increase sales incredibly,
while
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 others oppose
this
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 assertion as
adverts
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 can be seen everywhere and
people
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’s attention is not sufficient.
This
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 essay vehemently supports that advertising is successful in terms of its impact on consumers.
To begin
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 with, marketing
adverts
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 have enormous effects on
people
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.
Adverts
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’ ability to make target customers believe in the necessity of a product is unbelievable, even if the potential customers do not need it at all.
Therefore
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, they tend to purchase regardless of the price. To illustrate, two groups were investigated by researchers. The first group was exposed to
adverts
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 for a new expensive phone, but the second group was not. In the end, the rate of purchasing behaviour was 65% more in the first group. The result of
this
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 study provided an obvious indication of how advertising acts as a catalyst for persuading
people
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 to buy.
On the other hand
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, some voices contend that the influence of advertising campaigns on individuals has decreased remarkably since there are an excessive number of
adverts
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 and
people
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 are no longer interested in them. It is true that humankind encounters
adverts
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 in every part of the world.
On the contrary
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, the claim that
people
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 are not attracted is false.
For example
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, an average person remembers about 5 brands or products even though she is exposed to 50
adverts
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 in a day.
Hence
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, the possibility of buying these 5 products that are marketed goes up unconsciously, meaning that advertising is still captivating.
To sum up
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,
although
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 there are some opposing ideas that refer to the abundance of
adverts
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 and
people
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’s low interest, advertising is very successful in pushing
people
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 towards purchasing products. I believe that
adverts
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’ success will maintain in the future.

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coherence cohesion
To achieve an even higher score, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the arguments are strong, linking sentences could be more sophisticated.
task achievement
Try to include a few more varied sentence structures and advanced vocabulary to demonstrate a higher command of the language.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded view, discussing both perspectives effectively and offering a personal stance backed by relevant evidence.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The use of a specific example to support the argument significantly strengthens the essay’s persuasive power.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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