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Writing Samples /
Band 5

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#doubt #globalisation #world #people #business #nations #criticise #progress
In contemporary times,
globalisation
 has benefited the
world
 by accumulating
people
,
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and
nations
.
Where as
Correct your spelling
Whereas
show examples
 a few
people
 are not satisfied
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 change and are standing in the way of progress.
This
 essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with
this
 statement. It will discuss how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses
are benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
help
 of
globalisation
.
Followed by
Wrong verb form
Following
show examples
 that, it will discuss how it
is contributing
Wrong verb form
contributes
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 developing and gathering
people
 or
nations
 together.
Globalisation
 is playing a major role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bringing the
businessess
Correct your spelling
businesses
 together. With the
help
 of
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 the majority of the organizations are
prevaded
Correct your spelling
provided
pervaded
 throughout the
world
. The best example for
this
 scenario will be
McDonals
Correct your spelling
McDonalds
, the fast food chain.
This
 restaurant was opened in 1989 in Texas.
Then it
Rephrase
It
show examples
 started its first franchise shop in 1991,
then
 with the
help
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a few
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
show examples
 it
spreaded
Correct your spelling
spread
show examples
 all over the United
Stated
Correct your spelling
States
show examples
. And now
this
 restaurant is all around the
world
. And it is helpful in maximizing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both the countries' economy
as well as
 the global economy. The contribution of
globalisation
 is not only benefiting
business
 but
also
 helpful in bringing
people
 and
nations
 together. The majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Multinational Organizations are bringing their employees from one place to another. The recent survey illustrates that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 almost all the countries were profitted with the
help
 of
globalisation
.
Additionally
, it is
also
 contributing
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 saving the life of a lot of
people
. The best example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 situation would be the COVID-19
pandamic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
. During that time, all the countries came together
on finding
Change preposition
to find
show examples
 a vaccine. Once we found that, the vaccine had been sent to each and every part of the
world
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalisation
 is contributing a lot in not only bringing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
,
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and
nations
 together but
also
 it is helpful in
combaining
Correct your spelling
combining
combating
 the whole
world
.
Submitted by r.harip3 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion. Consider discussing both the positive aspects of globalisation and acknowledging some criticisms, to provide a more nuanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
There need to be improvements in linking sentences and paragraphs to ensure the essay flows smoothly. Use more transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Try to expand on your points more thoroughly. For instance, the McDonald's example is good but could be enriched with further details about how it impacts economies and cultures globally.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and complexity to enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, make sure each paragraph fully supports your main ideas, with clear topic sentences and concluding sentences.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, such as McDonald's and the COVID-19 pandemic, which help illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and appropriately summarize the main points of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international trade
  • cultural homogenization
  • multinational corporations
  • sustainable development
  • economic disparities
  • technological advancement
  • cultural exchange
  • scrutinize
  • ethics
  • innovation
  • connectivity
  • protectionism
  • outsourcing
  • free market
  • trade liberalization
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