IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that company should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

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With a fast-paced lifestyle, concerns about health and
wellbeing
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well-being
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 are rising especially among the working class. Some
people
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 advocate that employers should allow the
employees
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time
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 for
exercise
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 during their working hours, I strongly agree with
this
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 idea because it contributes to
employees
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' mental and physical
wellbeings
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well-being
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as well as
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 companies' benefits.
To begin
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 with, regular
exercise
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 can improve physical fitness, which is a fact that everyone knows but is always neglected
due to
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tremendous
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the tremendous
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 workload and a sedentary lifestyle. Researches reveal that the age of getting obesity, diabetes and heart attack becomes younger and younger. To tackle
this
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 issue, certain
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time
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times
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 of
exercise
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 should be encouraged after hours of working in the office or workshops.
Nevertheless
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, as
employees
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' fatigue and tiresome can be largely reduced by the relaxation and
refreshness
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refreshment
 acquired from the break
time
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, working efficiency will be greatly improved,
thus
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 benefiting a company's daily operation. Meanwhile,
exercise
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 not only has a vital effect on
people
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's physical health
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 significantly
enhance
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enhances
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people
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's mental
stablility
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stability
.
Scientisits
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Scientists
 prove that sports and
exercise
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 can create a so-called "happiness element" which can help
people
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 discharge pressure and get ready for
the
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apply
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new challenges.
In addition
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,
during
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apply
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the
time
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 when a team is exercising and relaxing,
it
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apply
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is
also
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 a good chance to communicate, socialise and enhance interpersonal relationships. Working out together may even bring
inspirations
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inspiration
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 and cultivate
teamwork
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a teamwork
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 spirit which is
conductive
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conducive
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 to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
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 a harmonious and sustainable working environment.
Although
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 some
people
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 would argue that too much
time
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 on
exercise
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 at work will increase employee's energy consumption, I believe reasonable relaxation is a must for both individual and
Correct article usage
the compay's
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compay's
Correct your spelling
company's
company
 long-run development. As a fact, many companies nowadays have a gym onsite which is very popular among their
employees
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.
To conclude
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, I reckon that all employers should provide
time
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 for
exercise
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 to gain mutual
benefts
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benefits
.

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clarity
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content development
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structure
Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay nicely.
coherence
Good logical flow that makes the essay easy to follow.
task response
Relevant arguments that stay on topic throughout the essay.
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