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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The
use
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 of smartphones by
children
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 has become a widespread phenomenon, with many spending hours daily on their devices. Personally, I believe
this
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 is a concerning trend as it can negatively impact
children
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's mental health and social development.
Firstly
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, the primary reason
children
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 are drawn to smartphones is the vast availability of internet content, social media platforms, and mobile games. In today's digital age, people of all ages, including
children
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, often spend hours engaging with screens, whether watching videos, playing games, or browsing social media.
Additionally
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, some parents may encourage smartphone
use
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 to keep their
children
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 occupied, especially when they need quiet time to focus or work.
This
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 convenience often outweighs the consideration of potential long-term effects on the child's well-being.
However
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, there is growing evidence to suggest that excessive smartphone
use
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 among
children
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 poses significant risks. Studies have indicated that
children
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 who spend prolonged periods on their devices—referred to as “screen
children
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”—are at risk of developing poor mental health and weakened social skills. Unlike in the past, when
children
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 would engage in physical play and social activities, many now prefer staying indoors with their devices.
This
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 shift not only deprives them of necessary physical exercise but
also
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 limits their opportunities to build meaningful relationships with peers, which are crucial for their social and emotional development.
Furthermore
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, the internet and social media are not always safe environments for
children
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, with reports of online abuse and cyberbullying becoming increasingly common despite efforts by governments and tech companies to protect younger users. In conclusion,
while
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 the extensive
use
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 of smartphones by
children
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 may seem like a harmless way to pass the time, it actually poses several dangers to their
overall
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 development. I believe
this
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 trend is a serious issue that requires coordinated efforts from parents, governments, and technology companies to mitigate its negative impacts.

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coherence cohesion
The essay features well-organized content with a clear logical structure. Each paragraph flows nicely and builds on the previous points, which helps to maintain a smooth narrative. However, you could further enhance coherence by adding more transitional phrases to make the connections between paragraphs even more explicit.
task achievement
While the task response is comprehensive and covers the topic well, including more specific examples or real-life scenarios would strengthen your argument. For instance, citing specific studies or statistics about the negative impacts of smartphone use on children could underscore your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and succinct, effectively framing the essay and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough response to the prompt, addressing both the reasons for excessive smartphone use among children and the potential negative impacts. Your arguments are clear and easy to understand.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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