You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information on
Australian's
Correct your spelling
Australia's
show examples
employment situation
last
year. The data is broken down into different genders and
job
types
.
Overall
,
men
dominant
Replace the word
dominated
show examples
the employment in majority
job
Change preposition
of job
show examples
types
while
more
women
were employed in clerical and
professionals
Change the noun form
professional
show examples
jobs. It is evident when looking at the bar chart that
men
in Australia had greater
job
opportunities than
women
. Out of seven
job
types
, five jobs hired more
men
than
women
last
year. In
tradespeople
Correct article usage
the tradespeople
show examples
sector
, the highest number of Australian
men
were employed, at 900,000, 8 times more than
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
workforce. At the same time, the number of
men
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
in
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
and managers
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
4.5 and 2 times, respectively, more than
women
.
Others
Correct your spelling
In other
show examples
sectors,
such
as semi-professionals and labourers,
women
's employment was only one-third of
men
's. Interestingly, the
sector
with
Add an article
the second
show examples
second largest
Add a hyphen
second-largest
show examples
amount of male workforce (almost 900,000), the clerical
sector
, had more
women
working than
men
. The statistic shows that there were
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
Australian
women
working in the majority of
job
types
, with no more than 400,000 female workforce.
However
, in
professionals
Correct article usage
the professionals
show examples
and clerical
sector
, the chances of hiring
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
were over
male's
Change noun form
males
show examples
, with approximately 100,000 (the former) and 50,000 (the latter) more
women
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hired than
men
in these areas.
Submitted by puimei822 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Vocabulary: Replace the words job, types, men, women, sector with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employed persons
  • job type
  • sex
  • employment figures
  • gender distribution
  • full-time
  • part-time
  • casual
  • professionals
  • managers
  • technicians
  • service workers
  • clerical staff
  • laborers
  • skilled trades
  • predominantly
  • discrepancy
  • proportionally
  • sectors
  • industries
  • dominance
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