There is a word like work to live, don't live to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is a phrase
like
, which is really important nowadays for Change preposition
apply
people
to understand it
, Correct pronoun usage
apply
work
is part of life
, life
is not a part of work
. Also
, in my point of view, people
have to learn how to flex their working hours and live for a bit.
Firstly
, many people
suffer from balancing their work
time
, furthermore
, it ends with unhappy
, Correct article usage
an unhappy
stressfull
, and boring Correct your spelling
stressful
life
. Self-awareness is really important for everyone because then
you will recognize what is good for you and for your body. For example
: It is obvious that working for long hours can make everyone exhausted, moreover
, continuing this
routine it
will turn out to habit. In the end neither Correct pronoun usage
apply
not
living Rephrase
apply
life
for a bit nor looking the
things that we love closely or taking care of them will make us sick mentally. Scientists conclude that the Change preposition
at the
ones
which
suffer from balancing their daily activities or can easily get bored from their Correct pronoun usage
who
work
, the
most likely the Add a missing verb
are the
ones
which
will suffer from depression or Correct pronoun usage
who
other kind
of mental illnesses
Change the wording
another kind
other kinds
Secondly
, working day and night do
not Correct subject-verb agreement
does
keeps
any Change the verb form
keep
time
for our loved ones
. In addition
, it is really important for anyone to spend time
with their loved ones
, however
, time
is not wating
for anyone, it just flows away. Correct your spelling
waiting
As well as
, as anyone, it won't wait persons' working times either. Nevertheless
, spending enough amount of your time
to
the things that you love, and Change preposition
on
foccusing
on yourself Correct your spelling
focusing
focussing
make
Change the verb form
makes
people
more productive at their work
and also
it will help them controll
their habits.
All in all, there is no Correct your spelling
control
time
for wasting or making ourselves unhappy for labour. Moreover
, balancing the time
we spend for
Change preposition
on
work
will make us more succesfull
and more happy in Correct your spelling
successful
life
.Submitted by i.nureddinn on
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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction presents the main idea, but it could benefit from being more explicitly clear about the sides you will discuss. Try to outline briefly the main points of the essay in the introduction.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that ties back to the thesis statement. For example, the second paragraph discusses multiple points about self-awareness and mental health, but the central idea could be sharper.
relevant specific examples
While you provide good reasoning, the essay sometimes lacks detailed and specific examples. Using more precise and illustrative examples would strengthen your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are a few grammar and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'stressfull' should be 'stressful', 'succesfull' should be 'successful'). These do not heavily impact the understanding, but correcting them would improve clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the significance of balancing work and life, which aligns well with the essay's thesis.
supported main points
The essay brings up several important points, such as mental health and the importance of loved ones, which are relevant and insightful.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example