IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #countries #people #enrol #university #situation
People say that knowledge is power;
however
, nowadays more high school graduates have chosen to be employed
instead
 of continuing with their
education
.
Although
 there are valuable resources we can get from work-based training, I believe that the disadvantages associated with it are far greater. Enrolling in on-the-job training immediately after high school has a number of strengths. To start, people can learn hands-on skills and real-world experiences. At the same time, they can build connections with the professionals within the industry who may help them in their future
career
 advancement.
However
, if these people want to get a more advanced position with higher
paid
Change the form of the verb
pay
show examples
, eventually, they need to go back to school for
further
education
. Despite these significant advantages,
chosen
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 not to attend college will be far from painless. First of all,
college
Add an article
a college
show examples
education
 provides basic
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and theories that ones need in order to become successful in their
career
.
Although
these knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
this knowledge
show examples
 can be built with more working
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
, it may take
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 time and one may experience more failures and make more mistakes in order to learn the lessons.
Moreover
, a lot of
high paid
Correct your spelling
high-paying
show examples
 job requires
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
education
 level;
therefore
, they need to continue their
education
 at an older age for
career
 advancement.
To conclude
, work-based training can help us build connections and
hand-on
Correct your spelling
hands-on
show examples
 skills;
however
, these are not enough for
further
career
 advancement.
This
 is why I believe that the disadvantages of on-the-job training outweigh the potential benefits. To enjoy the benefits that going to work earlier can bring, university students can join internship programs
while
attend
Change the verb form
attending
show examples
 college.
Submitted by puimei822 on

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task achievement
You have given a clear response to the task, but including more relevant specific examples could strengthen your argument. Try to incorporate examples from real-life situations, studies, or statistical data.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, work on connecting your ideas more smoothly to enhance the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your argument easily.
task achievement
You raised relevant points about the importance of hands-on skills and networking through work-based training, and the need for basic knowledge and theories provided by college education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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