IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Describe an item of technology that you own which is very important to you. You should say: where you got it from how long you have had it what you use it for and explain why it is important to you.

#item #technology
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
An item of technology
that is
 important to me is my digital watch. It is black in colour. It has many features like getting notifications, music, health records, and so on. We can connect it
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our phone and
then
 it shows all the same things which are there in my phone. My husband gifted it to me on my 22nd birthday. As I always wanted to have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 digital watch, My husband took me to a store of "Samsung
Company
" which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 all the gadgets related to the technology. So, my watch is
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 "Samsung
Company
". We looked for various watches in the store and from those watches, I chose the digital watch of "Samsung
Company
". I felt delighted and I was on cloud nine after receiving
watch
Add an article
a watch
show examples
 from my husband as a gift. It is important to me as it keeps my health records updated and I
also
 use it whenever I am going for a walk. When I wear it on my wrist, it
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 all the features related to health like heart rate, oxygen, stress, temperature of the body, and so on. Here, I want to add one more thing
that is
also
 crucial for me and
that is
 my "
Camera
". My
camera
 is
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
"Acer"
Correct article usage
the "Acer"
show examples
company
 and it's
also
 black in colour. As I have
passion
Add an article
the passion
a passion
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 photography, I bought it for myself. I really love to click pictures of nature. On weekends, I take my
camera
 and I visit different gardens to click pictures of
diiferent
Correct your spelling
different
 flowers and birds. My
camera
 is very important to me as I love capturing the movements of my life. Whenever I feel down in my life, I just look at the pictures that I have clicked, it takes my worries away and I really feel calm and relaxed. So, these are two
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 things which I like the most and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a crucial role in my life.
Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your essay would benefit from a more polished introduction and conclusion. This can help frame your ideas better and provide a clear structure for the reader.
logical structure
Try to avoid minor grammatical mistakes and watch for punctuation errors to make your essay even clearer.
relevant specific examples
The essay is rich in specific examples which illustrate your main points effectively. This adds a personal touch and provides depth to your response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, and you thoroughly explain why each item of technology is important to you. This demonstrates a good command of English.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: