IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays,a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicines and treatment instead of visiting their usual doctor Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatment #doctor #development
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There is a trend these days that
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of unhealthy
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to use substitutional
medicines
Use synonyms
 and
treatement
Correct your spelling
treatment
instead
Linking Words
 of going to their
doctor
Use synonyms
. From my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 development will have detrimental effects on
patients
Use synonyms
 and can lead to more serious
health
Use synonyms
 issues. On one hand, ignoring your
doctor
Use synonyms
's prescription and following your own mind is quite hazardous for your
health
Use synonyms
 as
Use synonyms
doctor's
Correct article usage
a doctor's
show examples
 knowledge and treatment cannot
be competed
Change to the active voice
compete
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 with your own DIY tasks.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Health
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 practitioners are
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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experts who spent years of their lives
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dealing with
patients
Use synonyms
 and
medicines
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. They know how each medicine works inside the human body and what side effects it can cause to it.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
patients
Use synonyms
 who think they are smart enough to use any medicine they feel
right
Add a missing verb
is right
show examples
 for their problem
ends
Correct subject-verb agreement
end
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 up having a greater
health
Use synonyms
 problem. A
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 example is of 50 years old man
lived
Correct pronoun usage
who lived
show examples
 in our neighbourhood.
Doctors
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 diagnosed him a cervical cancer and
instead
Linking Words
 of following
Use synonyms
doctor's
Correct article usage
the doctor's
show examples
 prescription he started getting herbal
medicines
Use synonyms
 which
leads
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 him to death.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
doctors
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 are charging
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for one checkup which is not affordable for the majority of
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, most
people
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 prefer to get a checkup from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 civil hospital where
doctors
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 don't pay much attention to the
patients
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 get disappointed with
ignorant
Correct article usage
the ignorant
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 of
health
Use synonyms
practioners
Correct your spelling
practitioners
 and try to find a substitute medicine or treatment that can be easily available on any
pharmcay
Correct your spelling
pharmacy
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 cost. To exemplify, there is
a
Remove the article
apply
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proven research that 80% of
pain killers
Correct your spelling
painkillers
show examples
 are getting sold out in pharmacies without
Use synonyms
doctor's
Correct article usage
a doctor's
show examples
 prescription.
This
Linking Words
 shows that
people
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 run to pharmacies
instead
Linking Words
 of
doctors
Use synonyms
 to
relief
Replace the word
relieve
show examples
 the pain. To summarize,
Although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
doctors
Change noun form
doctor's
doctors'
show examples
 behaviour and increased financial instability
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 causing the increased trend of using substitutional
medicines
Use synonyms
 and
treament
Correct your spelling
treatment
treatments
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 cannot ignore the detrimental effects of self-treatment without any background knowledge or experience. I don't support
this
Linking Words
 negative advancement in peoples' behaviors which can cause risk to human
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by zanu.ch666 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer logical progression. Transition words and phrases would improve the flow between ideas.
Task Response
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect readability. Proofreading and a little refinement in sentence structure would be useful.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and supports it with relevant examples, which is very good.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively written, setting the stage and summarizing the argument well.
Coherence & Cohesion
The main points are generally well-supported with examples, making the essay convincing and informative.
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