Some people say that it is not possible to be happy without money, while others think that money does not guarantee happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experienc
In the modern world, People are so exhausted
with
their hectic schedules, so they find different reasons to stay happy. Few people indicate that It is impossible to Change preposition
from
be satisfy
with their lives without currency. Change the verb form
be satisfied
While
other groups suggests
finance does not warranty satisfaction. I will discuss both views in Change the verb form
suggest
next
paragraphs and in the end, I will express my opinion.
Correct article usage
the next
To begin
with, the first groups
of people say," It is impossible to stay happy without Fix the agreement mistake
group
money
. I do not agree with the comment because "Money
does not buy happiness
". There are individuals in our society who earn less and still
they are delightful. Add a comma
still,
For example
, If you have a lot of money
in your bank account and one of your family's
Change noun form
family
member
is lying on Fix the agreement mistake
members
the
Correct article usage
a
death
Replace the word
dead
of
bed Change preposition
apply
then
how you are going to bring back that person to the
lifeCorrect article usage
apply
.
It is impossible. Change the punctuation
?
That is
why, money
cannot buy happiness
.
On the other hand
, an array of masses suggests that money
does not guarantee pleasure. I do agree with the statement. Money
is unlikely to buy happiness
. It can satisfy you to an extent. For instance
, When you purchase something from a store or a shop you feel happy but after a period of time
you get bored of it and you want to buy something else. Thus
, money
does not warranty happiness
.
To conclude
, In my opinion
it is possible to be happy without Add a comma
opinion,
money
in terms of spending a
quality Remove the article
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
time
with family members. On the other side, money
does not guarantee happiness
, it can keep you happy for a short period of time
. Hence
, it is important to spend a
quality Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
time
with your close relationships rather than focusing more on earning money
.Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints and provides your own opinion, which is a good start. However, the ideas could have been better elaborated. Try to develop your points with more detailed explanations and support them with additional relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and well-structured. However, the logical flow between ideas in your paragraphs can be improved. Use more transition words and phrases to better connect your thoughts and make the essay smoother to read.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples, however, they could be more specific and comprehensive. Try to provide more detailed and varied examples to more effectively support your ideas.
general
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. While small inaccuracies are not heavily penalized, being more careful with language can improve the clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
You've successfully addressed both views and provided your own opinion, maintaining a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.