IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that it is not possible to be happy without money, while others think that money does not guarantee happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experienc

#people #money #guarantee #happiness #experienc
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In the modern world, People are so exhausted
with
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from
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 their hectic schedules, so they find different reasons to stay happy. Few people indicate that It is impossible to
be satisfy
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be satisfied
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 with their lives without currency.
While
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 other groups
suggests
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suggest
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 finance does not warranty satisfaction. I will discuss both views in
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 paragraphs and in the end, I will express my opinion.
To begin
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 with, the first
groups
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group
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 of people say," It is impossible to stay happy without
money
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. I do not agree with the comment because "
Money
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 does not buy
happiness
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". There are individuals in our society who earn less and
still
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still,
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 they are delightful.
For example
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, If you have a lot of
money
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 in your bank account and one of your
family's
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family
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member
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members
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 is lying on
the
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a
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death
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dead
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of
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apply
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bed
then
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 how you are going to bring back that person to
the
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apply
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life
.
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?
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 It is impossible.
That is
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 why,
money
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 cannot buy
happiness
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.
On the other hand
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, an array of masses suggests that
money
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 does not guarantee pleasure. I do agree with the statement.
Money
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 is unlikely to buy
happiness
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. It can satisfy you to an extent.
For instance
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, When you purchase something from a store or a shop you feel happy but after a period of
time
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 you get bored of it and you want to buy something else.
Thus
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,
money
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 does not warranty
happiness
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.
To conclude
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, In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 it is possible to be happy without
money
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 in terms of spending
a
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apply
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quality
of
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apply
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time
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 with family members. On the other side,
money
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 does not guarantee
happiness
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, it can keep you happy for a short period of
time
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.
Hence
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, it is important to spend
a
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apply
show examples
quality
of
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apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 with your close relationships rather than focusing more on earning
money
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.
Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints and provides your own opinion, which is a good start. However, the ideas could have been better elaborated. Try to develop your points with more detailed explanations and support them with additional relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and well-structured. However, the logical flow between ideas in your paragraphs can be improved. Use more transition words and phrases to better connect your thoughts and make the essay smoother to read.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples, however, they could be more specific and comprehensive. Try to provide more detailed and varied examples to more effectively support your ideas.
general
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. While small inaccuracies are not heavily penalized, being more careful with language can improve the clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
You've successfully addressed both views and provided your own opinion, maintaining a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
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