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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #phones #communication #effects #skill
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Some
people
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 assert that technological devices for communication are beneficial for the young generation’s academic skills
such
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 as writing and reading. In my opinion, there are drawbacks to using technology for communication with young
people
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. the auto-correcting function and the accessible data are two paragons that exemplify the theme. First of all, the auto-correcting function lucidly demonstrates the matter pertaining to
this
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 theme. In modern society where technology does the task
instead
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, many young
people
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 no longer pay attention to proper grammar and correct expression.
For instance
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, when typing a few words, computers and phones automatically correct the text.
These way
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This way
These ways
show examples
 of using computers and phones could cause insensitiveness in their basic grammar error.
Moreover
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, young
people
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 who use the Internet easily access vast amounts of information on the Internet and children no longer feel the need to memorize information.
Therefore
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, they can effortlessly retrieve the required data with just a few clicks.
Consequently
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, the increasing reliance on modern technology has resulted in a diminishing emphasis on traditional skills
such
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 as handwriting and attentive listening.
Overall
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, it may seem like the media has a positive effect on young
people
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’s reading and writing skills, but the example of the auto-correcting function and accessible data indicate that the communication gadget has made the number of young
people
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 less studying and remembering since the media do all of it
instead
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.
Submitted by kopopig on

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introduction conclusion present
While your introduction presents a clear position, it could be strengthened by explicitly mentioning that you disagree with the view that technology benefits reading and writing skills. Make sure to clearly state your stance in the introduction to set a solid foundation for your argument.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This will help to further organize your thoughts and guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This can make your argument more compelling. For instance, instead of just mentioning the auto-correct function, you could discuss how over-reliance on it affects academic performance or give statistical data or studies related to this.
complete response
The essay addresses the topic effectively and covers a range of points related to the question. You have a clear stance that is maintained throughout the essay.
logical structure
Your essay includes a logical flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next, making it easy to follow your argument.
supported main points
The use of examples such as the auto-correct function and easy access to information clearly illustrates your points and makes your argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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