IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The international community should take action immediately to ensure that all countries reduce the consumption of fossil fuels, such as gas and oil. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#community #action #countries #consumption #fuels #gas #oil
Nowadays, fossil
fuels
 have become an integral part of day-to-day lives. Whether or not the international community should implement measures to control the consumption of fossil
fuels
 is a debatable topic.
This
 essay will disagree on why there should not be any stringent rules in the usage of fossil fuel mainly because of the convenience it provides to people even though it has harmful effects on the environment . It has been argued that excessive use of fossil
fuels
 can contaminate the environment which is true. The emission of
fuels
such
 as
gas
 and
oil
 pollutes the atmosphere as an enormous quantity of CO2 is released.
Moreover
, these emissions not only pollute air and water but
also
 affect plants and animals deteriorating the
overall
 balance of the ecosystem.
For example
, Mumbai, one of the most populous cities in India is
also
 considered to be the most polluted city in the world because of the increased population and
consequently
 the larger consumption of
oil
 and
gas
.
Therefore
, fossil
fuels
 cannot be considered an environmentally friendly energy source.
On the other hand
, fossil
fuels
 are very reliable in terms of convenience
while
 considering the practical aspect of everyday living. People across the globe work in a busy schedule and time is the most expensive commodity which cannot be purchased.
This
 necessitates the importance of a convenient source of energy that can be consumed in less time and
fuels
such
 as
oil
 or
gas
 are available in the market with an easy-to-use option.
For instance
,
oil
 and
gas
 stations in Canada are automated
such
 that customers can refill on their own without even relying on someone. All these factors contribute to the fact that fossil
fuels
 are unavoidable and inevitable for humans.
This
 essay argues fossil
fuels
 are vital in the lives of human beings despite their detrimental effects on the ecosystem. In my opinion,
although
 these highly used
fuels
 can harm the environment, the benefits owing to their convenience are entirely justified
due to
 which unnecessary control should not be imposed.
Submitted by gloriasherin on

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task achievement
While your essay responds to the topic and provides reasons for your viewpoint, it is essential to maintain a clearer structure. To improve task achievement, you should make your stance more explicit from the beginning. Your conclusion could also restate your main points more clearly to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates logical progression and organization, but there are occasional lapses in clarity. Consider breaking down complex sentences for better readability. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your argument, which strengthened the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining an organized structure.
coherence cohesion
The points you made are well-supported, especially with the example of Mumbai in the context of pollution and fossil fuel consumption.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fossil fuels
  • consumption
  • gas
  • oil
  • international community
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • global problem
  • collective action
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable future
  • economic growth
  • development
  • rely heavily on
  • unrealistic
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