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Band 4

NOWADAYS, MORE AND MORE PEOPLE DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN LATER IN THEIR LIFE. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THİS TREND OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

#people #children #life #thi̇s #trend
From
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For
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th epast
Correct your spelling
the past
 10-15 years,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of married couples
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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priority
for
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to
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 children in the later stages of their lives
due to
 various reasons. Some people would like to settle financially, and others want to enjoy married life
upto
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up to
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 period. In my perception, there are pros and cons
due to
this
 type of trend in a society as demonstrated in the below paragraphs. In the olden days, couples want kids with immediate effect after marriage.
Submitted by sivareddymarella6 on

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task achievement
You have started the essay with a clear introduction, but it is not fully developed and lacks a strong thesis statement. Enhance your introduction by clearly stating your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
While you have mentioned reasons why couples may choose to have children later, the essay would benefit from more detailed examples and explanations. Try to provide specific scenarios or statistics to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic logical structure, but transitions between ideas are somewhat abrupt. Use more transitional phrases to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
You should aim to develop each paragraph more fully. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by detailed explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position clearly. This will help to provide closure and reinforce your argument.
topic relevance
The topic you have chosen is relevant and interesting, and you have made a good start with your introduction.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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