Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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There are two controversial perspectives heating a debate over whether
athletes
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are a good or bad
example
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for youngsters to follow. In my opinion
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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athletic experts have some positive and negative effects on
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Without a shadow of a doubt, professional
athletes
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play a paramount significant role in boosting unlucky
childs
Correct your spelling
children

It appears that the noun childs is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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so they can overcome their hardship.
It is clear that
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

around the world there are many teenagers who weren't born with a healthy body and it might make them feel bad about themselves and avoid social life. But when they look at disabled
athletes
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and see their efforts to touch the glory those
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

could be encouraged and have more faith in themselves.
For
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

example
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, Natalia Partyka, an expert athlete, won the first prize
on
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in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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table tennis in Olympia 2021 with only one hand. Her victory had made many
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

learn the resilience spirit.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, athletic people can set a good
example
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for youngsters.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many athletic players have various acts that can affect the
behavior
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behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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of
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Some famous
athletes
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have an unhealthy life that can make their younger fans who are too young to acknowledge the acts of their idols are good or wrong and they just want to mimic them to feel closer to their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite

The spelling of favorite is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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athletes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

example
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, some professional
athletes
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

often spend their
night
Fix the agreement mistake
nights

It seems that night may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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at a bar club and use banned substances. Their younger fans can know about those
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours

The spelling of behaviors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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and try to copy them because they think it
was
Wrong verb form
is

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb was. Consider changing it.

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cool.
As a
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

result
Add a comma
result,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase As a result. Consider adding a comma.

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they might harm themselves.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
daily
Correct article usage
the daily

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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activities of
athletes
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can cause harm
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In conclusion, professional players can have a significant effect on teenagers in both good and bad ways so they should notice and control their behavior

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task response
Although your introduction outlines both sides of the debate and states your opinion, it could be improved by clearly stating what each paragraph will discuss. Introducing your main points briefly in the introduction will provide a more precise roadmap for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences seem a bit awkward and could benefit from restructuring to enhance clarity. Additionally, making sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next would improve cohesion. For example, using phrases like 'on the positive side' or 'conversely' can help.
task response
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing your overall argument.
task response
You have used a relevant and specific example (Natalia Partyka) to support your argument about positive role models, which strengthens your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph clearly focuses on one side of the argument, which contributes to better logical structure and makes the essay easier to follow.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • determination
  • discipline
  • work ethic
  • community service
  • charitable activities
  • poor behavior
  • unsportsmanlike conduct
  • media scrutiny
  • public perception
  • materialism
  • physical and mental health issues
  • impressionable youth
  • high levels
  • pursuing sports
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
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