Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
There are two controversial perspectives heating a debate over whether
athletes
are a good or bad example
for youngsters to follow. In my opinion the
athletic experts have some positive and negative effects on Correct article usage
apply
children
.
Without a shadow of a doubt, professional athletes
play a paramount significant role in boosting unlucky childs
so they can overcome their hardship. Correct your spelling
children
It is clear that
around the world there are many teenagers who weren't born with a healthy body and it might make them feel bad about themselves and avoid social life. But when they look at disabled athletes
and see their efforts to touch the glory those children
could be encouraged and have more faith in themselves. For
example
, Natalia Partyka, an expert athlete, won the first prize on
table tennis in Olympia 2021 with only one hand. Her victory had made many Change preposition
in
children
learn the resilience spirit. Hence
, athletic people can set a good example
for youngsters.
On the other hand
, many athletic players have various acts that can affect the behavior
of Change the spelling
behaviour
children
. Some famous athletes
have an unhealthy life that can make their younger fans who are too young to acknowledge the acts of their idols are good or wrong and they just want to mimic them to feel closer to their favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
athletes
. For
example
, some professional athletes
often spend their night
at a bar club and use banned substances. Their younger fans can know about those Fix the agreement mistake
nights
behaviors
and try to copy them because they think it Change the spelling
behaviours
was
cool. Wrong verb form
is
As a
result
they might harm themselves. Add a comma
result,
Thus
, daily
activities of Correct article usage
the daily
athletes
can cause harm for
Change preposition
to
children
.
In conclusion, professional players can have a significant effect on teenagers in both good and bad ways so they should notice and control their behaviorSubmitted by hominhtrang995 on
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task response
Although your introduction outlines both sides of the debate and states your opinion, it could be improved by clearly stating what each paragraph will discuss. Introducing your main points briefly in the introduction will provide a more precise roadmap for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences seem a bit awkward and could benefit from restructuring to enhance clarity. Additionally, making sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next would improve cohesion. For example, using phrases like 'on the positive side' or 'conversely' can help.
task response
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing your overall argument.
task response
You have used a relevant and specific example (Natalia Partyka) to support your argument about positive role models, which strengthens your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph clearly focuses on one side of the argument, which contributes to better logical structure and makes the essay easier to follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite