IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that teenagers should follow the example of older people. Others think that it is natural for teenagers to challenge what older people say. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #teenagers #challenge
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of individuals reflect that adults should obey the example of elderly people.
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
 think that it is typical for adolescents to struggle
what
Change preposition
with what
show examples
 aged humans advise. In
this
 essay, I shall discuss both points of view and try to draw some conclusions. On one hand, it is commonly argued by some groups of people that senior mortals counsel what to do and teenagers should heed these
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
. The first argument
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they bring in order to support their point of view is that older people have a lot of life experience and they predict
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of events in advance. Another reason why they claim is that they know plenty of
things
 that
angel
Fix the agreement mistake
angels
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not know beforehand.
That is
 why they lived a lot of time and they saw more
things
 than adults.
On the other hand
, despite
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
counter arguments
Correct your spelling
counterarguments
show examples
, it is thought
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others that it is complex for
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation to do what elder individuals say. They think
this
 is true mainly
due to
 the fact that youngsters are not used to
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 the
things
 from the past.
This
 can be seen from the fact that modern teens usually use electronic gadgets.
Thus
, it makes it clear that adults in the past did
difficult
Correct quantifier usage
more difficult
show examples
things
 than modern teens.
To sum up
,
although
 some mortals support the idea that youngsters must obey
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
 generation, others advocate that elderly humans say. From my personal point of view, the real benefits can be realized
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 following the
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 of elder individuals.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Be sure to refine your arguments to be more precise and developed. Avoid repetitive statements and elaborate more on your key points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's organization is clear, but stronger linking phrases and smooth transitions between ideas would further enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Role models
  • Respect for tradition
  • Wisdom
  • Societal stability
  • Continuity
  • Critical thinking
  • Innovation
  • Societal progress
  • Adaptability
  • Questioning authority
  • Seeking identity
  • Generational gap
  • Value systems
  • Adherence
  • Challenging norms
  • Cultural evolution
  • Empathy
  • Guidance
  • Rebellion
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!