IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Several people believe that having a set retirement age for all workers,regardless of they are not able to work. Although there are valid arguments to the contrary,if this essay l will argue that it is retirement can give for workers when they unable to work towards their jobs' types.There are two principal reasons for this.

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Several
people
Use synonyms
 believe that having a set
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 for all
workers
Use synonyms
,regardless of
they
Correct word choice
whether they
show examples
 are not able to
work
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 there are valid arguments to the contrary,
if
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay l will argue that it is
retirement
Use synonyms
 can give for
workers
Use synonyms
 when they unable to
work
Use synonyms
 towards their jobs' types.There are two principal reasons for
this
Linking Words
. I partly disagree that elderly
people
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 are likely to
work
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 until
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because ,older
people
Use synonyms
 cannot
work
Use synonyms
 for
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 and they unable
Fix the infinitive
to recive
show examples
recive
Correct your spelling
receive
 a pension at an earlier
age
Use synonyms
,as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 of which is
companys'
Correct your spelling
companies'
work
Use synonyms
 quality can decrease day by day.
This
Linking Words
 is very hard-working that
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
' health and
physically
Change the word
physical
show examples
 activity. Employments have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulty
Replace the word
difficult
show examples
 jobs which
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
' form
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 divide various
grade
Change the noun form
grades
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as miners,
oilman
Fix the agreement mistake
oilmen
show examples
 and builders.
For instance
Linking Words
,elderly
workers
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 have
a health problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
health problems
a health problem
show examples
 during their
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 opportunity
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
recive
Correct your spelling
receive
 a pension
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
situatations
Correct your spelling
situations
situation
 at the moment.They had better
work
Use synonyms
 before
retirement
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age
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.If they were not for
work
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they would not have found any
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 that suits
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their ages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 can impose more rules about
Use synonyms
retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 for everybody.l partly agree that
workers
Use synonyms
 can
recive
Correct your spelling
receive
 a pension at an earlier
age
Use synonyms
.There is nothing better than retiring
eralier
Correct your spelling
earlier
,
besides
Linking Words
,
workers
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 have just
alter
Change the verb form
altered
show examples
 their minds about
retirement
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
workers
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 have
a health problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
health problems
a health problem
show examples
 that they have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to recover themselves.If they had
retirement
Use synonyms
 choices,they would enhance working
qualties
Correct your spelling
qualities
.Older
people
Use synonyms
 can step down
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and younger
work
Use synonyms
 seats expand more and more. In a nutshell,l strongly believe that
retirement
Use synonyms
 earlier
age
Use synonyms
 for employers
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 than they unable to
work
Use synonyms
 till
sixty five
Add a hyphen
sixty-five
show examples
 years by virtue
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it makes
people
Use synonyms
 healthy and
extend
Correct subject-verb agreement
extends
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 seats for younger
people
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This helps guide the reader and provides a roadmap for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain logical coherence within and between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas and ensure a smooth flow of information.
task achievement
Be sure to support your arguments with relevant and specific examples, enhancing the evidence and credibility of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea. This supports a coherent structure and makes your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
Work on avoiding grammatical errors and improving sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
You make some good points regarding how early retirement can benefit both workers and the job market.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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