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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information on four different countries of residence of abroad
students
Use synonyms
 in Australia
Overall
Linking Words
, as can be clearly seen from the line graph, the countries are divided into 4 countries, including Indonesia, Hong Kong,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, and Singapore. The most
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
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 country is Indonesia,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 least
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
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 place is
Malaysia
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 in 1982, the
number
Use synonyms
 of televangelists who traveled to
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 was approximately 8
thousand
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, in 1984, that
increase
Replace the word
increased
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 and it was approximately 9
thousand
Use synonyms
, and
then
Linking Words
 it remained the same until 1990 later in 2000, 17
thousand
Use synonyms
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 traveled to
Malaysia
Use synonyms
. In 1982, about 2
thousand
Use synonyms
 people went to Hong Kong
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 continued until 1986 In 1988, the
go up
Add a hyphen
go-up
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 stopped, it was approximately 7
thousand
Use synonyms
,in 1990, growth started again, and the
number
Use synonyms
 of TV celebrities going to Hong Kong reached 10
thousand
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. In 1996,
drop up
Verb problem
it dropped
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 to 19
thousand
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, it gradually decreased in 2000. In 1982, 3
thousand
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 traveled to Indonesia. By 1998, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
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 increased to about 26,000. In 1999, the decrease
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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was approximately 21
thousand
Use synonyms
 compared to,in 2000, the shoot up again and it was approximately 23
thousand
Use synonyms

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, malaysia, number, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overseas students
  • country of residence
  • Australia
  • number of students
  • trends
  • highest
  • lowest
  • significant increase
  • decrease
  • stable trends
  • period
  • comparisons
  • highlight
  • potential reasons
  • factors
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