IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows how much money overseas visitors spent in the UK from 1980 - 2010 and the pie charts show the reasons for their visits in 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows how much money overseas visitors spent in the UK from 1980 - 2010 and the pie charts show the reasons for their visits in 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the total expenses by foreign tourists in the United Kingdom between 1980 and 2010
while
Linking Words
 the bar graph gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information on the purpose of their visit in 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the major reason that people
coming
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 to the
UK
Use synonyms
 was for vacation and we can see that there was an inclination on the money that travellers spent throughout the thirty-year
period
Use synonyms
. The reasons for global visitors travelling to the
UK
Use synonyms
 hadn't changed much throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. The majority of people
went
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to the
UK
Use synonyms
 for three major reasons, which are for holiday, business and friends and family
reunion
Fix the agreement mistake
reunions
show examples
. These three categories accounted for more than 80%.
While
Linking Words
 about 40% of tourists visited the
UK
Use synonyms
 for vacation in both
Use synonyms
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
, the portion of business travellers had decreased
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 2% by 2010,
whereas
Linking Words
 figures for visiting friends and relatives had increased by 10%. In terms of money spent in the
UK
Use synonyms
, the numbers fluctuated between 7,000
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 pounds and 12,000
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 during the
period
Use synonyms
. In 1980, the total expenditure by overseas visitors was 7,800
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 before a sudden drop which
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 the base
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 7,000 million in 1982.
Then
Linking Words
, the figures fluctuated until 1993
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the numbers increased dramatically and reached the climate
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 $12,000 in 1995. After that, the numbers went down and recovered back to $11,000
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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