Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care than ever before. What may be the primary reason for this? Is this is positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Certain individuals irrespective of their gender are attracted by the trend of personal beautification and use a lot of money to enhance their looks. There can be a multitude of reasons attributed to
such
an issue. In this
essay, causes
of Correct article usage
the causes
this
trend and it's
negative outcomes will be explored.
In the contemporary era, people want to hide signs of ageing or any medical conditions Correct your spelling
its
through
looking young. Basically, it helps them to improve their first impression at work or in some situations it is Change preposition
by
also
helpful in finding suitable partner
for them. Fix the agreement mistake
partners
Besides
this
, physical appeal is promoted on the
social media apps which allure them to imitate these things in their life. To exemplify, many women use fillers to inject under their Correct article usage
apply
face's
skin to reduce the wrinkles that make them look old. These injections are replacing many other procedures in the aestheticians' clinics which had short-term effects on their skin.
Change noun form
face
In contrast
, many people in modern society are ignorant towards adverse side effects of such
care products because these provide a sense of pleasure which diminishes the frugality of an individual. In addition
, the chemicals used for these beauty enhancement procedures are not scientifically studied. For instance
, doctors tend to advise the obesity patients to work on weight loss by exercises
or diet Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
however
the patients choose for the weight reduction surgeries. These are not only life threatening
but only lead to paralysis of body functions of the individual.
In conclusion, it is crucial to calculate the Add a hyphen
life-threatening
cost
and Fix the agreement mistake
costs
benefit
before undergoing these kinds of procedures. It can be detrimental Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
for
someone's health. The purpose of using beauty care can be fulfilled by other methods Change preposition
to
such
as healthy
diet or exercises which are more natural and holistic towards Correct article usage
a healthy
human
body. From my Add an article
the human
perspesctive
, Correct your spelling
perspective
masses
should avoid these extreme ways.Correct article usage
the masses
Submitted by Kiran on
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task
Your essay does a good job of introducing the topic and mentioning several key reasons why people spend more on beauty care today. However, your response could benefit from more detailed development of these points. Consider adding more data, examples, and research to support your assertions more effectively.
coherence
Try to ensure that all your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Some parts of your essay feel a bit disjointed. Using clear linking words and phrases can help improve the coherence of your essay.
cohesion
While you have an introduction and a conclusion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the conclusion effectively sums up the main points discussed in the essay while presenting your final viewpoint.
task
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and the scope of your essay.
task
You’ve done a good job of providing relevant examples to support some of your points.
cohesion
The conclusion provides a solid summary of your arguments and offers a clear final perspective.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example