Some people think that private companies should not be allowed to carry out any technology. Only the government can do it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the
mordern
world, Correct your spelling
modern
technology
has been a promising sector which
everyone would aim to take control. There have been arguments that Change preposition
in which
technology
should not be implemented by private business
, as the right is in the government's Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
hand
. I strongly advocate that private companies should be allowed to conduct Fix the agreement mistake
hands
technology
under the regulations issued by the authorities.
Nowadays, with the freely available of
information and knowledge, Change preposition
apply
technology
is no longer an elite game. There've been many discoveries coming from the ordinary crowd. To name a few, we have Steve Jobs and his crowning achievement- Apple products, who held several copyrights for his innovations and making the lives of people more convenient. Hence
, technology
should be accessible by
everyone to promote Change preposition
to
the
creativity and Correct article usage
apply
pushing
new breakthroughs.
Wrong verb form
push
However
, as the potentials of the machinery world are unpredictable, it is essential that there are regulations and rule
to make sure everything is under control. Fix the agreement mistake
rules
For example
, how dangerous it would be if some random commoners can
use Wrong verb form
could
his
skills and knowledge to build destructive devices, Correct pronoun usage
their
such
as guns. The situations can easily be chaotic if there is
no restrictions. Change the verb form
are
Thus
, the policy makers
need to pay close attention to the new advances Correct your spelling
policymakers
of
Change preposition
in
technology
and issue suitable laws to mitogate
the possible risks of new developments.
In a nutshell, Correct your spelling
mitigate
private
Correct article usage
the private
sectors
should have the right to carry out Fix the agreement mistake
sector
technology
, as long as they are being regulated closely by the governors.Submitted by kimtruong270192 on
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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a more balanced argument. While you clearly advocated for private companies to use technology, acknowledging the potential benefits of government control in certain sectors could provide a more nuanced perspective.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and varied examples. Using Apple and Steve Jobs was effective, but additional examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to your language accuracy. While minor inaccuracies do not significantly impact, eliminating them can make your essay even more impressive. For instance, 'mitogate' should be 'mitigate.'
coherence cohesion
Consider using more formal transitions to improve flow between ideas. Phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' and 'On the other hand,' can help maintain coherence.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted and provide a clear overview of your stance.
support
You effectively used examples to support your points, making your arguments stronger and easier to follow.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates a good command of the topic and provides clear and comprehensive ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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