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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is thought by some people that it is better to let students take a gap year between their schools and universities to
work
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 and
travel
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. In
this
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 essay, both the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 matter will be outlined before reaching my opinion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that taking a gap year makes learners lose their educational
knowledge
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. When they go abroad to
work
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 and
travel
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, they normally get an opportunity to
work
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 at restaurants or department centres because these places do not require educational
knowledge
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 or Bachelor's certification. After years of working without using any educational
knowledge
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, the individual
then
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 comes back and attends classes at the university, he/she will not understand what professors say
due to
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 losing their
knowledge
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 already.
On the other hand
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, going to
work
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 or
travel
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 abroad
also
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 gives learners tons of benefits, one of these positives is soft skills
such
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 as communication and teamwork skills. Youngsters can gain these skills
while
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 they
work
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 in the restaurants or the shops.
For example
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, a male student, applying to an American restaurant, is able to socialise with native American customers and colleagues,
as well as
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 helping his peers to prepare the ingredients for owners together.
Overall
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, there are many students these days who decide to take a gap in order to
work
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 and
travel
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 before starting their new life in universities. From my point of view, I strongly agree with
this
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 idea as it helps learners to gain new experience and be ready to utilise it in their university lives.
However
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, if they worry about losing their
knowledge
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 from
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, they can take or bring some books that are related to the subjects in the university with them and read them in their leisure time.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically to the next. You can further improve by making the transitions between paragraphs smoother.
task achievement
You have provided a relevant response to the task prompt. To enhance your essay, consider giving more balanced points and expanding on both the advantages and disadvantages with additional examples.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive. However, make sure to further elaborate on each point discussed, and avoid any redundancy in sentences.
coherence cohesion
Continue developing your use of linking words and phrases to further improve the cohesion of your essay. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more seamlessly.
task achievement
When discussing the disadvantages, try to provide a more varied argument, perhaps incorporating different perspectives or explanations as to why students might struggle upon returning to academic studies.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments effectively.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as working in restaurants abroad, which enriches the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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