TOPIC: Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
the
educational institutes Correct article usage
apply
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
the
combined Correct article usage
apply
studies
to both
boys and girls.
One side of people believes that to provide
a separate Change the verb form
providing
education
based on gender wise
. Add a hyphen
gender-wise
However
, the other side of society is supporting for
mixed Change preposition
apply
education
in schools
. From my point of view, the
Remove the article
apply
both
cases have its
own positive and negative results as I demonstrated in the below paragraphs.
In some countries, there are individual Correct pronoun usage
their
schools
for boys and girls from their initial level of education
. Those Countries will not encourage the
Correct article usage
apply
parents
to send their children to mixed schools
and parents
beliefs
that to follow the Replace the word
believe
divide
school system based on customs and traditions. Replace the word
divided
However
, due to
Change preposition
apply
this
type of separate studies
in schools
or universities, will affect on
the pupil's career at some level Change preposition
apply
both
boys and girls. Like, during their professional experience, they may feel shy
to communicate Rephrase
too shy
each
other for work Change preposition
with each
purpose
or business Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
purpose
, as they don't have interaction from the initial stage.
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
In contrast
, the majority of countries provide mixed studies
for both
genders, and parents
also
support them. Further
, they also
trust that it would be an advantage for both
during their studies
or in life. However
, there are some disadvantages to mixed education
, like during adult age, they may attract each other and fall into a relationship, due to
this
type of things parents
will suffer, besided
student will Correct your spelling
besides
beside
loose
focus on their Correct your spelling
lose
studies
, instead
they will focus on the chit-chats.
In my opinion, combined Add a comma
instead,
studies
will benefit the students in terms of studies
, professional and personal life. The only thing is parents
should take some precautions for children and advise them on which is appropriate and inappropriate during adult age.Submitted by sivareddymarella6 on
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task achievement
The essay provides a fairly complete response to the task. However, it would benefit from developing the arguments more fully, using specific examples to support the points made. For instance, mentioning specific studies or experiences could strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The ideas presented are mostly clear, but some sentences are awkwardly constructed. For example, "From my point of view, the both cases have its own positive and negative results as I demonstrated in the below paragraphs." could be rephrased for clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are directly relevant to the question. For instance, the mention of parents suffering due to relationships feels slightly off-topic. Focus more on the direct impact on students' education and future careers.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance cohesion. Phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help the reader follow the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint but could be strengthened by briefly reiterating the key points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to provide more concrete examples to support the points made. This not only makes your argument stronger but also helps in achieving a higher band score.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, which makes it easy to follow. Introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all present.
task achievement
The arguments for both sides of the debate are presented fairly, showing an understanding of the topic from multiple perspectives.
task achievement
The conclusion aptly summarizes your main viewpoint, providing closure to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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