Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, researchers believe that the amount of fast
food
consumed is out of control,
moreover
, it can cause unhealthy situations and even diseases. When it comes to the solutions to
this
, there are two contrasting opinions, one supposes it is able to be dealt
by
Change preposition
with by
show examples
education,
whereas
another disagrees with the effects of educating
people
. The essay will discuss both sides and explain why I approve of the latter view. On the one hand, improving
people
’s awareness of detrimental substances contained in junk
food
seems to be the most possible way to keep them away from that harmful
food
.
This
is because a majority of individuals do not realize how acute dishes like burgers and chips attack them. The case in some developing countries where human health is not taken seriously is an example. Citizens there only concentrate on the convenience that fast
food
provides, not its long-term consequences.
Therefore
,
people
would be likely to consider carefully about their eating habits if they were educated.
On the other hand
, it must be said that education usually has no use. Today consumers are allowed to access information related to nutrition simply via the Internet, so most of them are knowledgeable the junk
food
’s terrible effects.
However
, perhaps they do not care much about them. A piece of evidence is Coke, one of the most popular soft drink brands in the world.
Although
everyone knows that it includes high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
of added sugars and processed preservatives, which lead to severe health problems
such
as obesity and diabetes, nobody has an intention to give it up.
In addition
, the increasing sales and the constant appearance of fast
food
restaurants like McDonald's and KFC in every corner of urban areas
also
present the individuals’ apathetic attitude. To summarize, despite the fact that educating
people
has certain impacts on coping with
this
problem, its range is extremely small and insignificant.
Hence
I personally think education has never been an effective way to make
people
change their diet.
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task achievement
While your essay is well-structured and the ideas are clearly presented, try to elaborate a bit more on each point you make. This will provide greater depth to your argument and can engage the reader more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and add more varied sentence structures to improve coherence and cohesion. This will make your writing sound more sophisticated and less repetitive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. While your essay has a logical structure, some transitions could be made smoother for better flow.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines both perspectives effectively. This sets a clear direction for the essay.
supported main points
The main points in your essay are well-supported with relevant examples, which strengthens your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your opinion. This provides a strong finish to your essay.
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