IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others belive that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#scientists #people #junk #food #health #belive #education #work
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Many individuals think that despite
cunsuming
Correct your spelling
consuming
 fast
food
 is harmful
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 health, having
educated
Replace the word
education
show examples
 can deal with
this
 issue.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there are persuasive
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
 that it is not effective
due to
 the affordable and
conventnient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 of
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast food
. On the one hand,
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
 children about the advantages of choosing healthier
food
 options can reduce their
earting
Correct your spelling
eating
earning
 fastfood
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
.
Firstly
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using unhealthy
food
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time period can cause
diabeties
Correct your spelling
diabetes
,
blood
Correct word choice
high blood
show examples
 pressure and some diseases. Some
examine
Verb problem
have
show examples
 proven that processed preservatives in junk
food
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one of the
most reason
Fix the agreement mistake
main reasons
show examples
 why
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the number of
people
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 cancer
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every year.
Secondly
, changing the awareness of eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 can
made
Change the verb form
make
be made
show examples
people
 have a healthy lifestyle. If
people
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 knowledge in
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
 diet, they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 keep away from harmful
food
 and
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 some
heatlthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
food
such
 as
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
,
fruit
Correct word choice
and fruit
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that it is more detrimental because having just been
concerntrated
Correct your spelling
concentrated
 on educating
people
 is not
efficiently
Change the word
efficient
show examples
 way. Behind the
certain
Correct your spelling
curtain
show examples
 that sugars and fats cause consumers addicted.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it is convenient that many
indivioduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
prepared
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
 and
saved
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 quickly
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
food
 stores.
For instance
, because of spending a myriad
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
 on work, some
people
 haven’t gotten enough time to
cooking
Replace the word
cook
show examples
 and
shopping
Replace the word
shop
show examples
.
Therefore
, junk
food
 is a good choice. In my view,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should have
policy
Correct article usage
a policy
show examples
 to cut down the
valueable
Correct your spelling
value
 of unhealthy
food
. In
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I can understand why
people
 feel educated about
negative
Add an article
the negative
a negative
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast food
 can treat
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problem, but it seems to me that the issue is not easy to solve.
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grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy. Although minor errors are tolerated, frequent grammatical errors can hinder comprehension.
task achievement
Provide additional specific examples to support your arguments. This would make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the unity and progression of your essay by ensuring that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, and that ideas are connected smoothly.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
You included a clear conclusion summarizing your viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • junk food
  • nutritional content
  • long-term health consequences
  • unhealthy diets
  • healthy eating habits
  • meal planning
  • socioeconomic factors
  • accessibility
  • pervasive marketing
  • nutritional education
  • government regulations
  • advertising
  • dietary habits
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