Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #cultures #ages

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Many

people

Use synonyms

believe that

music

Use synonyms

is a positive form of entertainment to

make

Verb problem

brings

show examples

people

Use synonyms

around the world with different backgrounds

become

Verb problem

apply

show examples

together. I strongly agree with

this

Linking Words

statement and

this

Linking Words

essay will provide some explanations.

Firstly

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

is an art that can be enjoyed by

people

Use synonyms

in every nation with different cultures

although

Linking Words

the language is different.

People

Use synonyms

can listen to the rhythms and still enjoy the

music

Use synonyms

without understanding the lyrics.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the other reason

people

Use synonyms

music

Use synonyms

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

based on the singer as an individual or

also

Linking Words

a group that

attract

Correct subject-verb agreement

attracts

show examples

people

Use synonyms

with their appearance and performance.

For instance

Linking Words

, in recent years many

people

Use synonyms

from around the world hooked by K-Pop

such

Linking Words

as Blackpink or BTS from South Korea and

make

Verb problem

apply

show examples

ticket

Fix the agreement mistake

tickets

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

their world tour concerts sold out very quickly in every country.

Secondly

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

of different ages can

also

Linking Words

have

Correct article usage

the

show examples

same taste

about

Change preposition

show examples

music

Use synonyms

based on the melodies or the feeling when listening to

Remove the article

music

a piece of music

show examples

music

Use synonyms

. To exemplify, there are so many albums

contain of

Wrong verb form

containing

show examples

old love songs that still exist from the older generations even the singer held a concert in

this

Linking Words

current time and

people

Use synonyms

with

Change preposition

show examples

all ages come to the concert.

Besides

Linking Words

, there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

also

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

that can be enjoyed by parents and their children that

connect

Correct subject-verb agreement

connects

show examples

them. It can make the bonding between the family stronger. In summary,

music

Use synonyms

has

important

Add an article

an important

show examples

role in

people

Use synonyms

’s lives and

connect

Correct subject-verb agreement

connects

show examples

people

Use synonyms

with different backgrounds. It can

also

Linking Words

create a solidarity of

people

Use synonyms

during a concert and enjoy the

music

Use synonyms

together without being discriminated

Change preposition

against by

show examples

each other.

Submitted by hafizahnazir on Sun May 19 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay is generally well-organized, but the logical structure can be improved. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed with supporting details.

coherence cohesion

While your introduction and conclusion are present and relevant, your essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and better transitions between ideas.

task achievement

Though you have provided specific examples, aim to develop your ideas more comprehensively by discussing the implications of these examples. This will demonstrate deeper analysis and understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

To improve clarity, focus on sentence structure and variety. Avoid repetitive structures and make sure that each sentence logically follows the previous one.

task achievement

You have successfully addressed the task by discussing how music can connect people from different cultures and ages.

task achievement

Your examples, such as the mention of K-Pop groups like Blackpink and BTS, are specific and relevant.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and a concise conclusion, which help frame your essay well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadyas, many medical research projects are funded by private companies. In your opinion, do you think that research should be carried by private companies, individuals or governent? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Some people think that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree? Use specific details and examples to explain your view.

Many people believe that reducing speed limits is the best option for road safety improvement .do you think there are other measures that could be put in place? what are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Innovation is often driven by the pursuit of profit and economic growth. However, some argue that it should prioritize addressing social and environmental issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some people feel that governments should take a large portion of people's salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and schools. Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.