IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You have recently started a job at a different company. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter • explain what made you change jobs • describe the new job you have • tell him/her other news about you You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear ..........,

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Dear John, I hope you are doing great! I have started
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 position as a Senior Mine Planning Engineer at Rio Tinto. I want to share my recent updates with you because it has been a long time since we
last
Linking Words
 met in August. First of all,
while
Linking Words
 I was working as a Mine Planning Engineer at Newmont in British Columbia, I struggled with the small town I lived in because there was nothing to do there. During
this
Linking Words
 time, I was applying for job opportunities, and
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
 I received a job offer from Rio Tinto in the Montreal office. After that, I moved to Montreal for my new job, which enabled me to do many
kinds of different
Correct word order
different kinds of
show examples
 social activities because of the advantages of living in a big city. My new role is exactly the same as what I did at Newmont, and I didn't face any problems at the start. I am optimising
mine
Correct determiner usage
my
show examples
 plans and preparing reports for my manager.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I have met a lady who makes me so happy that I can't get her out of my mind. I am really eager to meet with you when you come to Montreal. She is so sweet, and we are going to move to a new apartment together next month. I really miss you, mate. I am looking forward to hearing from you. I hope to see you soon, mate! Keep in touch. Best wishes, Ibrahim

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Task response
Score: 8. You answer all three parts: why you changed jobs, what your new job is, and other news. Add one or two more details about the new job, such as your team or a work task.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 8. Your letter is easy to follow. The order is clear: old job, new job, then your life news. Use shorter sentences in a few places, and do not use “First of all” with “Secondly” when there are only two main parts.
Greeting and closing
Score: 8. “Dear John” and “Best wishes” are good for a friend. The warm words at the end fit the letter well.
Paragraphs
Score: 7. Most paragraphs have one main idea. The long middle paragraph has both the reason for the change and details of the new job. Put the new job details in a new paragraph.
Task response
You give a clear reason for the move: the old town was too small and there was little to do.
Task response
You clearly say what you do now: you make mine plans and write reports for your manager.
Task response
Your news about the lady and the new apartment makes the letter personal and friendly.
Coherence and cohesion
Words like “After that” and “Secondly” help the reader follow your ideas.
Tone
The tone is warm and natural, for example: “I really miss you, mate.”
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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